New social media? I use Facebook like it’s a fucking encyclopedia.
Wow my title is over dramatic yet angsty. Egotistical? I wish. Intimidation was never my specialty. My ego may not be aggressive but it is undoubtedly prominent. Cynical, hypocritical yet idiotically whimsical is a reoccurring theme in my life. How quirky! I clearly do not mind putting myself down. Laughing at myself is apart of my foundation and persona. Awkward 19 year old decides to become an upcoming author. My autobiography has been accidentally in the works for years. Good for me!
You’re probably thinking “Why am I still reading this?” or “I don’t care about your life, you obnoxious little hipster” Or you’re not thinking any of those thoughts, because it’s all in my head. Anyways, a plethora amount of people oppose the “millennial” lifestyle. Old folk are jealous because I can use an online thesaurus to find the word plethora. My response to them is: don’t hate the player hate the game. You’re the one who gave me the trophy. Growing up with Facebook has been quite the hullabaloo, let me tell you! From vomit inducing inspirational quotes to profile pictures of buff cars; facebook is better than Jerry Springer and Maury combined.
What I’m really trying to say is: I would rather laugh than be depressed. A natural cynic with a lack of intelligence. My life wasn’t peaches and cream and your life probably wasn’t either. Growing up with social media allows you to become easily accustomed to seeing everyone's opinions. Everywhere I turned someone was yelling about something. Loud Boston accents, tough love, and pugs; sums up my household. Growing up I quickly learned the word ‘fuck’ can be used in multiple different ways. My mother would kick my ass if I told everyone she allowed swearing…in public. I love my parents. Having an only child with a lot of curiosity is hard to handle. My actions do not reflect upon their parenting skills. It does not matter if you had Betty Crocker and Mr. Rogers for parents, you can escape your ABC family hell through Facebook.
Before I write anything about Facebook, I need you to understand this is my personal experience. Please understand: everyone is affected differently by certain content. This is not to be confused with the word“offended”. The word offended is misused to such a drastic point it’s making both sides of the PC argument go insane.
“WHATEVER YOU POST ONLINE IS OUT THERE FOREVER”. “WARN KIDS ABOUT CYBER BULLIES”. “IS YOUR CHILD TALKING TO INTERNET PEDOPHILES?” Repetitive statements about online safety are embedded into my memory. But like most anti drug Ads; I ignored the advice. When I was 12 I joined Facebook. My Dad told me if I had my real last name on Facebook, I would be abducted by a pedophile. So, I made my last name McDoodle on Facebook. Internet safety was big in my house. Yet, like most parents mine did not understand social media at all. The irony and sarcasm online was my favorite part about joining Facebook. I was a very socially aware kid, because I was always bullied for being fat! woah!
Being socially rejected created an unhealthy curiosity about people. I started observing peoples actions to a drastic, paranoid, expectation. Being a people pleaser wasn’t my first choice in life; yet I was weirdly committed to that choice. Wanting to be apart of the cool crowd but never wanting to admit it. Typecasting myself via Facebook as the funny quirky fat girl since 2009. The only rules I followed religiously, were the social rules I made up for myself. Learning how to generate status’s which appeal to all my Facebook friends was a significant part of my life, which says a lot about me.
Everyone deals with peer pressure as a kid. But it is very different when trends are presented right in front of you all the time. You begin to work for free, for your own advertising campaign. Of course I have peers who use Facebook in a healthy way. The healthy way: Only have a couple profile pictures, share semi political/moralistic posts, share the occasional animal picture. They use Facebook about once a day after work or some shit. Oh if we’re lucky on a rare occasion they’ll share a song or a recipe, awesome. Yet my “healthy” Facebook friends TEND to have productive lives. Jealously is a suspicious, impractical bitch. On the other hand jealousy is a good friend to drink with. I wanted to have equal social opportunity. I wanted to gain the same amount of respect and popularity as the Hollister wearing, pretty and petite, girl had. Fat and awkward wasn’t working for me anymore, who would of guessed?
Being yourself is hard when your audience doesn’t find you attractive. Paranoid intuition is a skill I developed as a wanna be method actor. I started to lose empathy and gain suspicion, I treated life like a game. Whenever a conversation between me and a stranger begun; I truly believed I knew what they were thinking about me already. Observing their facial expressions and gestures to match up disappointing looks I received in my past. Prejudice is something you always remember. This was an illogical way to approach life, because I developed my own naive prejudice against people. Adapting to social situations due to watching social patterns repeat themselves.
Changing how I act in front of people all the time became tiring. Around my junior year of high school I started ignoring my friends for Facebook. Talking to people all around the world, and making friends with strangers felt a lot more comfortable because I could be myself.
Spending hours on Facebook everyday is a horrible idea. However I learned a lot about peoples personalities through Facebook creeping. Social patterns were in written form and I could seem them clearly. You may think i’m generalizing too much, I don’t think i’m generalizing enough. I think half the reason my peers are so anxious is; because you can see social patterns consistently repeat over and over again on social media. From buzzwords to hashtags people are now socially segregating themselves through trends. My peers might disagree with me; by accusing me of putting too much emphasis on Facebook and other social media outlets. But I don’t understand how they cant see the blatant repetition. I saw social media as the perfect platform to create a persona
Dramatic enough for you? Do you believe there are other problems bigger worldly problems to worry about? Good, you’re a normal person. Why am I even talking about Facebook in 2016? People still use Facebook often? Facebook is making a comeback, I’ve been here watching the whole time. The rush I get from receiving eighty five likes on a profile pictures is equivalent to doing a line of coke for me. Hey, thats disgusting! Love me some self validation and instant gratification. The self esteem boost always keeps me lurking and coming back for more. Anyways, from memes to Buzzfeed to Alex Jones…Facebook rocks my socks.
However there are many funny positive aspects to Facebook. Those artsy nihilist kids you see sharing memes aren’t all depressed like me. Boring ironic girl on Facebook looking for some validation. Narcissistic emo kid wants to be understood. Tumblr romantcized teen decides to try journalism in efforts to share her story. Shitting on myself is extremely easy but adding details requires my attention span.
2016 already has taught me a lot about personality: I hate myself and i’m open about it apparently. 2016 has also taught me I’m a lot more basic and self absorbed than I thought I was. My persona on Facebook is not my personality. Like every other 19 year old; I don’t know who I am.
Growing up with Facebook I “felt”” like I was“forced” to roleplay. I’m “forced” to either post cute selfies and share videos of puppies if I have any chance of looking socially acceptable. Because when girls speak up or attempt to act remotely funny, I’m either referred to as a “triggered fat tumblr SJW feminist” I can’t quote anyone on that, it’s a just repetitive blurb of insults.
I’ve been made fun of so many times in my life due to my looks or my behavior. Of course I became obnoxious and reactive, I was sick of being hurt. Bullying isn’t my thing neither is mean jokes. A weak attempt at being a villain via Facebook. The “good person” card didn’t work out for me either.
We all keep attacking each other over Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders in hopes of infiltrating the Facebook head quarters. Hopefully then someone will magically acknowledge our truths! The battle will be worth fighting for! just joking! Companies will make an add out of our opinions and observe from afar! Example A: Twitter. Example B: Facebook using your search history for personalized ADs! ❤
Convincing myself I lacked social opportunities was an idiotic choice because it was true. I can’t fight an invisible enemy, I needed to let go and move on. Half of it is my fault, half of it the world. I’m a normal 19 year old, programmed to believe something is wrong. Narcissistic, depressed and honest which is embarrassing as well as shameful, it’s okay. Many others like me have naively documented their lives online. “WHATEVER YOU POST ONLINE IS OUT THERE FOREVER” So be it, my vulnerability is someone else’s content for a website or an article. The only difference is people can copyright and sell my story without telling me. If they wanted too…
Thick skin saved my childhood but curiosity caused depression. Truthfully I was intensely bullied because of my appearance. Going online allowed me to feel normal because I knew I was normal. Pretending my life was my own, is a lie. Separating myself from my family at a young age because I felt so ugly and misunderstood is insane. My family and friends loved me. Not being able to get the wasted time back severely haunts me.
Greedy or thirsty?
