Where does that leave me?

Dementia..

I have been thinking a lot lately of just what is in store for me. I am in my sixties, relatively healthy and feel I am of sound mind.

But, dementia is there, in the background haunting me. Did I forget that name, that item, that address, that ingredient, because it is normal to forget things, at my age, or is it because..dementia is creeping in?

There is a history of dementia, grandma had “senility” along with her sister. My Uncle had alzheimer disease. Most recently my mom who is currently residing in a nursing home has vascular dementia. Hmm.. so where does that leave me? Is it hereditary, will my absent-mindedness lead to my demise.

I look at my Mom and think, how sad. She has memories of her childhood, early life, but not of her newest Great Grandson, my first grandchild. Mom has met him on numerous occasions, celebrated family birthdays, festive holidays, family barbecues, spent afternoons watching our newest addition grow into a going concern almost 2 year old. And yet, when someone mentions him, Mom doesn’t recall ever knowing him.

So where does that leave me??

I have vague memories of my childhood, it was not particularly memorable. There are times, events and very hard to forget moments throughout my adult life. Marriage, moving, deaths. But my most memorable memories are events that took place in my life as a Mom, I don’t ever want to not have those memories. Nor do I not want to remember my newest joy, my grandson. Or forget who my husband is. I know this can all happen with alzheimer disease. I have witnessed this first hand, watching the life of a beautiful person be swallowed up and lost forever, in the grips of the disease.

I try not to dwell on the “what if’s” in life, but I do think of it. For now I am content with a bit of forgetfulness being normal, for my age.

So where does that leave me?

The mind is such an amazing thing, but so fragile.