Published in The Belladonna Comedy·PinnedMember-onlyI Am The Snake Coming Out Of Your Toilet, And I PROMISE You It Is Worse For MePlease stop screaming. I beg you. — Good evening. Please stop screaming. I beg you. It is true. I am a snake. And I will admit, I have found myself in quite a nasty predicament. From the way you are perched on the counter, I suspect you have noticed. But I object to the supposition that I…Comedy4 min readComedy4 min read
Published in Slackjaw·PinnedMember-onlyThe Year Is 2050, And Former President Donald Trump Is Still Hiding Somewhere In The White HouseWhere, oh where did he go? — This year marks the 30th anniversary of the day we said goodbye to former President Donald Trump, when he lost the election to Joe Biden, walked back into the White House, and never came out. Across the nation, we waited for a concession speech that would never come. Waited for…Humor4 min readHumor4 min read
Published in Humor Darling·Oct 4, 2022Member-onlyPaleontologists Announce New Species of T-Rex or Some Shit, Like We’ve Got Time for That Right NowUndeterred by the one-fucking-million record-breaking tragedies ravaging the population, a team of paleontologists published a paper on Monday announcing a new species of T-rex or some shit, like any of us have time for that right now. “After years of delayed research, quarantines, and all matter of international mega-disasters, we…Humor2 min readHumor2 min read
Published in Humor Darling·Jul 15, 2022Member-onlyAmelia Bedelia’s Guide to FlirtingIt’s all about body language, so write something on your leg. — Hi! Amelia Bedelia here. Mr. and Mrs. Rogers are out on the town today — how they got on the town, I don’t know — so I’ve decided to use my day off to write this handy-dandy Flirting Guide! If you haven’t heard, I’m the biggest flirt there is. Five-foot-eight…Humor2 min readHumor2 min read
Published in Humor Darling·Jul 5, 2022Member-onlyI Am the Genie of This Lamp, and Due to Inflation, I Can Now Only Offer You 2 Wishes and 1 Piece of AdviceI wish it were different, but my wishes are meaningless. — Greetings and good wishes! It is I: the Genie of the Lamp. You have summoned me from the Genie Realm, and as a reward, I will grant you your heart’s desire. …Comedy2 min readComedy2 min read
Published in Humor Darling·Jun 2, 2022Member-onlyWhat Your Poop Says About You (When You’re Not Around)Everybody poops. And even though we don’t talk about it, your poop can tell you all sorts of things about your body — whether you’re eating enough fiber, drinking enough water, flirting too aggressively with the barista at Dunkin’ Donuts. But what does your poop say about you when you’re…Comedy3 min readComedy3 min read
Published in Slackjaw·May 22, 2022Member-onlySo You Found Me Unconscious In The Lazy River. Now What?No one came on vacation to watch a grown man freak out, so please get it together. — Hello, and thank you for stopping. If you’re reading this, that means you have found me floating, eyes closed, mouth agape, down the lazy river at Sandals® Resort and Spa in Montego Bay. First things first. To determine if I am sleepy unconscious or scary unconscious, waft a fresh baked…Humor4 min readHumor4 min read
Published in Humor Darling·Apr 1, 2022Member-onlyBanksy Allegedly Behind Big Scratch On Daddy’s SUVIs he at it again? Reports have emerged about a possible string of new Banksy murals seen across San Francisco this week. Arguably the most unusual piece in the collection was discovered Sunday morning when Daddy noticed a big scratch on his brand-new SUV. “Banksy is known for his use…Humor2 min readHumor2 min read
Published in Humor Darling·Mar 16, 2022Member-onlyGenius! This Person Put a Steeple on Their Head and Stained Glass Windows on Their Tum-Tum To Avoid Doing Their TaxesFor most Americans, the onset of spring ushers in a powerful feeling of financial dread: Tax Day. The sounds of birds a-chirping and trees a-rustling are lost in the frantic a-shuffling of W2s, 1099s, and old illegible receipts. No one is immune to the hysteria. …Humor2 min readHumor2 min read
Published in Slackjaw·Mar 12, 2022Member-onlyHow To Talk To Your Child About The Plot Of “You’ve Got Mail”For new parents, talking to your child about the outdated plot of “You’ve Got Mail” can feel overwhelming. You’ve never had to explain dial-up internet before; what if they have follow-up questions? Will you have to explain landlines with cords? Physical newspapers? Where does it end? While 90’s technology is…Humor4 min readHumor4 min read
