My Feminist Haircut
by Molly Kelleher, 2018
Feminism as a haircut, at first the idea seems under-researched, tokenizing, and quaint, but to the wearer, it’s much more like Clark Kent’s secret identity. Allow me to disclaim I am not suggesting that you run off to the nearest barber and eradicate your long lovely tresses. I am suggesting that we take a long hard look at the beauty industry and how it is affecting our sense of self. Since feminism is the belief that all people of the gender spectrum should be treated equally this goes for all of you out there (the cis language is my memoir, your’s may have different pronouns).
As a performing artist, I’ve always had to be very consistent about my look. Every season when the new hip thing comes out be it hair feathers, silver locks, or simply bangs. I have to have a deep conversation with my brain about how “on brand” those changes would be and if they’d even be marketable. In our media-fueled lives suddenly everyone, not just actors, is aware that they too could be a brand. And, that’s not a good thing.
In the entertainment world, we talk about branding ourselves so that casting directors, producers, and agents know how to see us. We are asked to remain the same. The same weight, same age, same hair length, and color. Ultimately, this is not only impossible it’s damaging. The beautiful thing about being human is our ability to learn, grow and change. We are the only species divinely aware that our time is limited and that knowledge is what propels us into action. We eat new foods, travel, read, watch media to teach us more about what we are doing here on earth. We are energized from the fear that this day could be our last. We must leave no stone left unturned. Except for, when we are a brand.
When you are a brand you need to be recognizable. You need to stand out but not too much. You need to grab immediate attention but settle into familiarity. You need to deliver exactly what we expect with almost no surprises. That is unless your brand is to surprise. Take the kids’ toy of the snake that jumps out of the peanut can or the Harry Potter jelly beans. We expect them to surprise us. What would happen if the snake didn’t jump out or the jelly beans just tasted like grape?
In life, we search for moments of wild above-expectation experiences. But, we also expect that they will be this way. Bungee jumping, cliff diving, sky diving, water-rafting are experiences we expecting to thrill us. If suddenly bungee jumping felt more like taking a temperate bath the entire sport would go out of business.
What happens when you realize that the brand you’ve been living inside of feels more like a temperate bath while snacking on grape jelly beans rather than an invigoration out-loud in the moment of existence? And, why have you been sitting in the bath of mediocracy allowing your fingers to prune?
Because the beauty industry has spent billions upon billions of dollars showing you exactly one image of desirability. A female (especially femme) should look, act, think, and behave exactly one way. Beautifully. Here you may start coming at me with proof that I’m wrong. I’m not. If they show you goth, alternative, punk, the list goes on. They are still selling you the “beautiful” of it all. Perfectly placed black lipstick with just the right amount of asymmetrical green hair. Even the #nomakeup #minimalist movement is filled with products. Products that aren’t “makeup” but still tone, even, shrink, tighten, lighten, brighten. You see, even the verbs that are used to sell the products are trying to tell you one thing. YOU ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH. You are not good enough but, I’ll make you better.
Ok, this is not an attack on the whole of the beauty industry. I actually really like some products. I love wearing red lipstick for instance. It makes me feel sexy and powerful. I feel more like my personal superwoman. I adore the scent of certain perfumes, especially ones that bring me back to a special time. Scent is the number one sense linked to memory and on my wedding day, I used that knowledge. Now, every time I smell lavender and ocean I’m back on the beach in front of my love.
What I realized however is how much my branded life was being sold to me rather than how much I had chosen for myself. I realized that my idea of beauty came from the fears that the industry and men had set for me. You do know that it is men that started the beauty industry and that it’s women who do 80% of the buying of products in our country right? It is men who began to tell a woman not only when she could vote, what she should cook, but also what she should look like? I think it’s time we start taking a longer harder look at why we use certain beauty regimes. Are you caking on base and makeup because it makes you feel powerful or are you hiding? Is your hair long because you love long hair or are you afraid you won’t be attractive if it’s short? Are your waves/curls/kinks/coils being flattened because that’s how you prefer them or is racism at play? Of course, when we move the discussion to colonialism, racism, and intersectionality in beauty standards we need a whole encyclopedia of articles from humans much more educated on the subject than me. Still, if you don’t believe that racism exists with women’s hair just ask a black woman, any black woman…or better yet, don’t. They are way too busy to explain black hair to you, for that I offer you the power of the internet.
I digress, are you making decisions from a place of adventure, excitement, and storytelling or are you making choices out of fear and branding yourself? From ancient Egypt to today we have been using cosmetics, perfumes, haircuts to attract mates. We are truly the most specialized animals in the roles of flirtation. I realized recently that though I’m not trying to attract a mate. I am trying to attract buyers (acting jobs). Except, I’ve become an old jingle. I was living my beauty routine and look based on what the industry (men) always wanted from me. That classic beautiful unobtrusive woman. I am not a classic beautiful unobtrusive woman. I can play that part, sure. But I’m funny, smart, and sometimes crass. I’m a little weird, a total nerd, and super minimalist in my beauty routine.
My long thick hair has been my signature my entire life. “You have the most beautiful hair” was my number one compliment. “You are soo beautiful with that hair” was the second. My hair became the first and perhaps the only thing that was seen. My beauty was my hair. My beauty was the dead cells growing out of my head. My beauty was the dead-colored cells growing out of my skull. That sucked.
I realized that I’ve been feeling so stuck by the world’s idea of beauty that I had convinced myself that cutting my hair would make me ugly or worse unemployable. That knowledge, that I was living from fear rather than from action forced me to make a salon appointment that day. There were plenty of reasons that this wasn’t the right time. I had just done a photoshoot a few days early. Oh well, those photos were now suddenly out of date. I had a few auditions lined up. Oh well, casting is going to have to like me for more than my hair. I told no one, I didn’t need any more opinions about what I should look like. Everyone I had asked told me not to cut it.
I did it anyway. I found a hairdresser on IG whose style matched with my idea of my superhero self. The woman who took back her power and made choices about her appearance outside of a man’s idea of ideal female beauty. Outside of society’s idea of perfectly coiffed and delicate femininity. Outside of alternative society’s idea that everything needs to be a protest. I made a choice that would help me take down a few of the walls I’d built up over my own beauty.
Will I still be beautiful with shorter hair? Will I still get jobs with shorter hair? Will my shorter hair make me look heavier? Will my shorter hair match my personality?
What a load of crap huh?! The answer yes I’m beautiful. I’m beautiful with long hair or no hair. My talent does not lie in my hair, work is fine. My body is beautiful and my hips didn’t suddenly grow when my hair got shorter (and if they had, I’d still be beautiful). My personality is my best feature, my hair figured out a way to be part of my personality rather than my personality.
There is so much misinformation out there about hair length and body shape or face shape. When I was talking about cutting my hair another girlfriend even confided in me that she too wanted to cut her hair but was worried that she wouldn’t be seen as attractive because she felt her weight had changed and her face shape was rounder now. “Short hair only looks good on thinner women”. Where did this idea come from?! Can we please stop doing this to ourselves and each other?!
Design your superhero costume. What would you put on if you had no limits? And, go do that! Right now we need humans to stand in their beautiful skin, with or without the products that make them feel glorious, with whatever hair makes them feel seen and be powerful! Be powerful, proud, and own your own damn beauty. It’s yours and no one has the right to tell you what it should look like.
And when that doesn’t fit you anymore great, change it! It’s the only thing that is constant, change. Throw away your brand, become a whole person again!
UPDATE: I wrote the above article in 2018. I was feeling a particular need to use my hair as a protest. Protest hair has been documented for decades (Sinead anyone?). In some Native American cultures cutting your hair during grief is an act of expression. After living two years under 45 I was not only in grief, I was in rage. The desire to express my disdain with very short hair helped channel some of that. And for a few weeks, I got fewer catcalls. “Does longer hair equal more catcalling or did I just have better noise-canceling earbuds?” will be the title of my next novel.
It’s now 2021, we’ve lived through the nightmare of 45, a global pandemic is still raging and the beauty industry has had to pivot. Natural hair is having a moment as the world hasn’t seen a salon in a year. A whole new wave of products has been designed to make sure your waves, curls, kinks, and coils are always coiffed to perfection from the privacy of your lockdown location.
My hope as we begin to step into public again is that we walk away from the brand identity of 2019. Change always happens and my untamed, mid-lengths of undecided hair just want to see the sun and exist outside of a 1"x1" zoom screen. Will I have another reason to chop it off in protest? Will I grow it long to keep me warm in the winter?
Today I asked the internet where I should go with my quarantine hair. Long, short, curly, straight? I asked because I wanted them to lead me to my own decision. 72% like it this way 56% that way 77% say they don’t know. What does that add up to? It adds up to no one cares. It’s fun for them to push some buttons.
Whatever I do going forward, I will do it for myself. If it doesn’t fit my brand, well….looks like my brand just changed. If you don’t like it, cool, you don’t live on my head. If you love it, cool, but stop yelling at me on the street!
Of the things I’ve learned during this experience of seeing my hair through the eyes of a feminist protest two things hold very true; none of this is for you and I can change it all tomorrow.