I fixed my anxiety after years of suffering
How I turned my anxiety from a blazing fire to nothing more than glowing cinders I can stomp out any time.
Coming up to my 30 birthday next year, I never would’ve said I’d be here. I’d been all aboard the anxiety train since my late teens. You know, one of those high speed whojumaflips which skips all the stations and arrives at doomsday station in about 4.2 seconds.
I even had anxiety about fixing my anxiety in case I missed something catastrophic and was caught unawares.
I felt like a lost cause, I thought it was just who I am, here’s what happened
One tool is from my therapist, the other came to me out the blue while checking the weather. I bet these can help you too.
I’ve been there a few times with therapists. They know anxiety, but they don’t know me.
I finally found a woman who really *got it*, she listened and remembered what I told her. That I am an all of nothing kind of person. She remembered all that I’d told her about my childhood, my various living situations growing up and how I’d reacted to adversity before.
Finally I’m at a place where, with these two little tools, I can really stomp out the glowing embers of anxiety before they pull me down and suffocate me.
Ok if I share with you today?
Tool 1: A worry diary
A simplification: You write down a worry you have as it appears and revisit it later.
Let me explain.
If you have a ‘Worry Thought’: either in a notebook or on your phone have a page where you write it down. Next to it, write a percentage of how certain you are that it’s going to happen.
After the event, you have to revisit the thought with either fresh eyes, or with evidence of what really happened.
Example:
I’m worried if I take my children to the park, their hands will get dirty and they’ll put the dirt in their mouths and get sick. 80%
Upon revisiting this worry thought, I had hard evidence that they did indeed get dirty hands, my daughter put her thumb in her mouth, and neither child got sick.
Next time I took them to the park, I had the same worry, but my percentage dropped dramatically to 40%.
After a few weeks of this I noticed a marked difference in how much I would worry about the things that previously had me stuck.
The catch?
You have to do the scary thing, be in the situation that makes your palms sweat, otherwise you don’t move forward.
This is where cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) helped me, my therapist kept me accountable every week to do the things that frightened me.
Tool 2: ask the question “should I bring an umbrella to this worry?”
Weird question. I know. I’ll show you what I mean.
One day I was checking the weather on my phone to see what clothes I should dress my children in. The chance of rain said 1%. I thought,
I wouldn’t pack an umbrella for 1% chance of rain, so why do I tie myself in knots about scenarios that have less than that chance of happening?
I realised I’d been having panic attacks over things like side effects of medicine that have a chance of 1 in 10,000 (0.01%) happening. When I wouldn’t bother packing my raincoat and wellies if the chance of rain was 1000x more likely than that at 10%.
So next time you have a worry that is pretty unlikely to happen, ask yourself:
is it worth packing your umbrella for this scenario?
This question helps me to think rationally when otherwise I’d allow my imagination to run away from me.
You’ve got to meet the tools half way
By this, I mean you have to do the work. The thing about friends and family is they keep you safe. They let you use them to reassure you, to support you and pick up the slack if you can’t cope.
This is essential, but if you’re never pushed out of your safety zone, no changes will happen.
These are the two tools that have helped me overcome a lot. As I’m editing this story, just this morning I spent an hour with my two kiddos at the park and there were wasps everywhere. This has been a huge step for me.
All this being said, I recommend you seek help from a qualified therapist if any of the above has affected you. You’ll make quicker progress than if you go it alone.
I hope this introduces something new to you, that helps you fight whatever demons are haunting you. If you have a different tool that kicks your anxiety up the butt then please share!
Thanks for being here. Until next time,
Molly
