Actually Molly, I’ve had decades of personal experience with the after effects of trauma.
David Cearley


Thank you for clarifying. A couple of points…

I was not close to blowing a gasket, I was merely “stating things in a confident matter” as you suggested…I just wanted to make that clear first.

Boorish may not be dangerous, but in situations like this, you truly don’t know if this situation could’ve turned into an assault. I understand your point better now, though.

It is also possible to have loved ones who’ve experienced trauma, while still being ignorant. I’m not calling you a bigot by any means, but I have Black friends and I still will never know what it’s like to live in their shoes. I can, however, admit when I need to be more informed or educated on the issue, be sensitive to people and their potential experiences, and acknowledge that I’m not an expert on the subject… Just a thought.

Your ultimate message has the intention of being empowering- Don’t let yourself be victimized, however it is not that simple. As I stated before, we don’t know if these women already have a history of trauma, which obviously complicates things, but socialization also plays a huge part in the victimization of women (especially in Midwestern culture). Many are raised to be “nice girls…” to smile, bat their eyelashes, and not make waves… To keep the peace, even. Women like this grow up not even understanding the idea that telling a man “No” is an option. I grew up as a “nice girl,” and I was victimized many times because I didn’t want to cause a problem or get anyone in trouble. It’d be great if we were all raised to be tough, strong women who can tell a creepy guy to fuck off, but unfortunately society doesn’t condone this. We need to be coy but still know how to protect ourselves…they are contradictory roles. Even as an adult who can make her own choices, I struggle with going against everything I’ve been taught about how my interactions with men should be.

The way you presented your argument was a bit flippant and seemed like you were siding with the gross businessman. Upon further conversation, it is clear that you don’t believe this, but being more sensitive and/or detail-oriented in your comments would help to avoid these discussions.

I write about growing up as a “nice girl” through several comments on my page. I also do not have ignorant men in my life (anymore) who need an education, as I demonstrate in my most recent piece, An Open Letter to my Husband.

I wrote about my assaults in pieces titled Piece of Meat and Dear Brock Turner… I can’t link them at the moment but they are there if you want a different perspective.