Hi Derek,

Thanks for your comment- it gives us many more things to think and talk about!

I won’t deny the idea that the criminal justice system plays a huge part in the reason victims don’t come forward or seek retribution. It is, (to put it lightly) a complete failure to those who have been raped or assaulted. Part of it could be because they have to re-live the trauma during the stress of a trial, part of it could be lack of evidence in certain cases, and part of it could be that they know the justice system will fail them before they even begin, due to cultural and social norms surrounding the definition of rape and what constitutes proper “punishment.” (AKA Emily Doe going through all that fucking stress only to have a judge basically say it wasn’t a big deal). In our country you are innocent until proven guilty, and that is a fair guideline put in place for those who are falsely accused. Unfortunately, a very tiny percentage of rape cases are actually false accusations, but people still use that as an excuse to why rape cases aren’t prosecuted enough. The idea that many women simply cry rape and falsely accuse men of rape out of anger or for revenge is completely untrue, which I’m sure you know!

I also tend to think about other crimes (that also involve the criminal justice system), and wonder why they are not treated in a similar fashion. The burden of proof surrounding crime in a courtroom doesn’t always impact the way we speak to victims or our ability to believe them in day-to-day life. Our cultural norms do.

I always use this analogy as an example: (Stay with me here!)

John Doe goes out on a Saturday night and has a few drinks with friends. When he comes home later that night, he sees that his window is smashed and it appears that his house has been broken into. When he goes inside his house, he finds that his speakers, laptop, and a few other miscellaneous items are missing. He calls the police.

Now, imagine if these things were said to John by detectives, friends and family, and/or neighbors after he reported the robbery:

“Why were your windows glass? You should’ve taken better precautions to ensure your household’s security. Glass is so breakable.”
“Why were you out that night drinking? The robber wouldn’t have had the opportunity to break in if you were home.”
“Why was your laptop sitting out in plain sight? You own such nice and expensive things- You should’ve expected that someone would steal them.”
“I don’t believe you- I think you are lying to get attention or fool insurance companies.”
“That robber probably didn’t mean to take those things; it was an honest mistake.”

These things sound absolutely absurd when you think about it. John Doe was robbed, plain and simple. John still has the burden of proof weighing on him- They can’t arrest the robber without evidence, that would be unfair (same situation with rape cases). However, these crimes differ in the fact that we still don’t talk to John that way whenever the burglary is mentioned.

John is the victim and the robber is the criminal. We don’t shame John, call him names, or treat him differently after the crime occurs. In our society, rape is not treated like a “normal crime.”

Not many people would say to you, “I just was never the same after my laptop was stolen. It ruined my life.” And yet crimes such as these are handled appropriately and in an ethically sound matter. Rape cases are not. So something tells me that there is more going on than just our crappy criminal justice system or the burden of proof when it comes to the number of convictions and the way we speak to victims.

Many people who are skeptics of our stories would say similar things- “I am allowed to question your story because of the burden of proof in the eyes of the law.” Okay maybe, but they are also failing to acknowledge their extreme bias and the things that have been ingrained in them through rape culture. All any of us women did was tell our stories on Medium. Our stories of being raped. And yet some people jumped all over us. Would there be as much controversy in women’s personal accounts of being in car crashes? Probably not.

Anyway, I think there is something to be said for your alternative options for victims who can’t undergo a trial (for any number of reasons), but still seek closure. I wish it didn’t have to be that way, but it looks like we are going to have to take baby steps in this area. Thanks for providing something to ponder and for sticking with me through this response!