Sorry John, but this IS one of those either-or scenarios. A “victim” is just that, a victim. A “perpetrator” is a perpetrator. You cannot have one without the other, and you cannot be half of a perpetrator or only a partial victim. It is that simple and that black and white. I know, confusing right? We want to complicate the shit out of everything but really, this is not one of those times where it makes any sense to do so, despite what society or your own mind is telling you.
On another note, rape doesn’t just “happen.” Determinism is a childish theory and quite frankly in my opinion, complete bullshit. It completely lets people off the hook- I mean why bother to do anything really, if the winds of fate have the final say anyway? Utter crap.
Say a woman wears a revealing outfit, flirts with a man all night, they go home together, and then she changes her mind and doesn’t want to have sex anymore when she gets to his place. Is this an unfortunate and disappointing scenario for the man? Sure. Was she giving him mixed signals? To him, maybe. BUT FORCING HIS ERECT PENIS INSIDE OF HER VAGINA OR ASSHOLE WHEN IT HAS BEEN MADE CLEAR THAT SHE DOESN’T WANT IT, IS NEVER OKAY. Too graphic? Well that’s exactly what we’re talking about here. Not ethics or fate or morality. Rape. (I mention this because I’m assuming the situations where you believe culpability is up for debate are similar to this scenario, unless you want to make the argument that a 13- year-old girl being kidnapped and raped is a gray area situation as well, in that case I cannot help you…)
I’m tired of people acting like men are these fucking baboons that don’t understand when no means no and that we need to hold their hand and teach them consent and boundaries and a bunch of shit that you literally learn in elementary school. It’s insulting to victims and insulting to all the men out there that actually respect women enough to listen to them.
In addition to educating ourselves, staying away from danger, and being willing to take responsibility for being raped, we are now responsible for educating and sympathizing with perpetrators too? For a society that doesn’t view women as equals, we sure are giving them a lot of power and responsibility.
Your comment is not an attack, but it might as well be. This is not one of those issues where you can bulk up your vocabulary and delve into a deep philosophical debate. That’s avoidance and sugar-coating. Rape is rape. Perpetrators are perpetrators. Victims are victims. End of story.
