Molly Smith
Aug 23, 2017 · 3 min read

How to: never fight in a couple

Me and my husband have never had a fight. We have had a few casual debates, that one way or another ended up as amusing happenings. There was never any screaming, long silences or emotional blackmail. We seem to not get onto each other's nerves.

This sort of not fighting custom just happened with us. Two months after our first date we traveled to Belgium for a city break. Four days of not starting any kind of quarrel seemed strange to us both, but we just embraced it.

You’re thinking we’re holding stuff back. We’re really not! Or, at least, I’m not and as I have gotten to know his ‘you didn’t do the dishes’ face, neither does he. Looking deeper at the situation, there are 3 things we are, unintentionally, doing so as to avoid fighting.

1.We accept the other person as they are

We’re both messy people. He literally leaves his socks all around the house. I leave tea mugs on every surface I can find. Our house occasionally looks like a hoarder’s dream come true. However, we both have some glitches. He hates when the sink is full of dishes and I get annoyed when he leaves his dirty clothes in the bedroom instead of the hamper.

There are many ways in which we are alike and a few ways in which we are different. We don’t let those differences become a problem. Whenever the other person does something that may seem a bit annoying we brush it off with a joke. (I once sent him a picture of his socks threatening to jump off the balcony).

We know there are things we cannot change and we don’t try to change them. These are artificial problems that should only be addressed with humor and left where they stand.

At some point you just have to ask yourself the question: is this worth getting upset over? If you want something done, just do it yourself and don't resent the other person for not doing it.

2. We never criticize each other

In my past relationships, when something bothered me, I would call up my friends and bitch about that one thing for hours. Not anymore.

When you get stuck and obsessing on one thing, it will get sooo magnified. Plus, other people’s opinions, however well they may mean, can only add gas to the fire.

See, only the members of the couple know the whole story and that usually gets altered every time it is being told. So, instead of going to someone else to complain, we tell each other why and when something is wrong. (Ok, I may have tried the ‘nothing’s wrong’ technique a couple of times, but c’mon we’re not in high school anymore).

If you really love your partner, never talk bad about them to someone else. Or even to their face. You can gently tell them how they can improve themselves, but don’t criticize them. Once you start thinking about what’s wrong with your partner, where do you think things are going to go?

3. We forget

We don’t hold on to many things. None, even. Once a debate is done, we leave it in the past.

Carrying this kind of baggage throughout your relationship will only make your fights worse (this is me talking from previous relationships experience). Even if we ever have had a debate that has been a bit more challenging I can honestly say I don’t remember it. There is no dredging up the past.

Once a fight has ended, everything pertaining to the fight should end. Forgive and forget, learn and grow. Otherwise you will just end up having the same fight over and over again and at some point you just get tired of reliving the same scenario. Then, what happens? You're either unhappy or you break up.


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Bonus: here are 9 tips for a strong marriage!

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Molly Smith

Written by

Founder & Storyteller at June Chronicles www.junechronicles.com

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