morning pages ( day 1)

i woke up

i had my breathing exercises and meditation and i had breakfast ,i started studying( unfortunately not with full focus) but still find good) ,life is calm nd beautiful if i work simply hard on me and give myself the LOVE i need for myself , when i enjoy being myself i dont need to change me , just improvement, thats me, who reach here, who survive all toxicity , inspite of that i am not egocentric , this is the gift from mY ALLAH , he is so kind , he made me grateful person, His kindness showers over me, I smile when other s dont find any reason, i live abundantly , I live fearless, I am fighting against my insecurities , i am fighting my biggest enemy me, how adorable it is when i can breathe the fresh breeze in the morning in huge city full of pollution i can see clear picture in present moment, I dont lose control over fantansies my brain creates , I learnt the lesson you will not get anything by feeling sad angry or hurt, its upto when you decide whom you wanna feed , your pure soul or ego, all i want my soul to shine and i feel fullfilled every second, how wonderful it is ,when I can live my full potential , i can deep breathe , i can enjoy every moment, and i can feel taste of food, drinking and eating healthy , when i force myself get and do exercises , I can then i feel how beautiful creature human is , how dorable i can smell taste, every sense i feel is blessing, i feel grateful when my pain is the pain only, when my fear is the fear only, when my insecurity is the insecurity , when i indulged myself in ocean of knowledge, when i read human body ,mind and soul , how to relate, empathise people in way , that actually add values, when my subconsciously i say something ,my conscious mind wonder ,is it you ? i am still in search of me, what actually i am , what was reason of my creation, how can i impact on myself and other,which part of world i belong to , which language i should be expert on ( i just knew few) not expert in any of one, how much percentage i should practice the knowledge i have gained, the wisdom i am looking after is not complete at all, haha wisdom oh lovely , it attracted me more than anything, why emotional intelligence attracts ( i used to lack it ) i was dumb in that part , when i learnt , aah the feelings are out of the world, relationship around me improve drastically ( my mom and me) deep inside which actually i am working, I still want i can get rid of toxic people, and abuse i suffered from, but then i know its all my brain who is telling me ,i learnt to stop being victim and when i tried to control mys self ang my life i lived every moment, i learnt the definitions and i become focused of my goal , purpose of my life, i would say , human without a purpose is not a human at all, I am so so so grateful to allah to give me that power even from very begining , when i keep on reminding myself you are safe and ok, dont follow ego then see how universe turns your life into something so worth living, and i imagine i would be smiling on my death bed , why on this earth we fight, we cry we scream, we feel hurt , because w follow ego, surrender yourself to the divinity , to your creator and just focus on what you want from you , make sure what you are doing has values for others, another reason make me grateful to my Rab, he gave me a noble profession, if i live like a doctor, nothing more noble can be ,when i will save people’s lives, when i will be reason they will smile, when i will reason, they can get rid of their stress, sadness, how wonderful it would be , when i will see tears of joy , wow how lovely

when i realise other aspect of me, the daughter of great lady , who has survived all the sufferings one would even think of, how brave she is utterly gorgeous she is, she gave birth to me , and gave me so much love, ( what if i was so deprived of all this ) noo! i cannot imagine, but i know the answer, because i know a study conducted mother’s love is the most important thing, i know it, i am perfect example, I got depressed and stressed, back those days, but when i got my mom’s love back ,i felt like i got water , the water in the desert ,when i can bloom, I became a thorn, her love made me rose, she took care of me, even i was adult but not mature,incidences happens for reason, i took control over me, i promise myself, i will live fully no matter what , i wont attach myself to worldy pleasure, because what is the definition, i pray Allah to keep me this path , ok gotta go i wrote three morning pages, one day i will be a great writer

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