How to Protect Our Children from the Danger of Social Comparisons.
Comparing ourselves to others is not always a bad thing, especially with the right set of tools. Here’s what I’ll teach my kids.
I read a terrifying study from last year on social comparisons among Gen Z across the UK.
As a mother, it frightens me to know that my daughter could ever want to end her life as a result of comparing herself with others on social media.
This is what Cybersmile found out in 2023:
- AROUND 9 OUT OF 10 RESPONDED THAT THEY SEE THEMSELVES NEGATIVELY AND FEEL DISSATISFIED WITH THEIR LIVES.
- 3 IN 4 WANT TO CHANGE ASPECTS OF THEIR BODIES.
- A VERY WORRYING 1 IN 7 HAVE THOUGHTS ABOUT ENDING THEIR LIVES AS A RESULT OF COMPARING THEMSELVES WITH OTHERS ON SOCIAL MEDIA PLATFORMS.
If this doesn’t give you chills down your spine, then I don’t know what will.
After reading these crazy stats, I started wondering whether it would be realistic to expect my child to never compare herself to others.
It sounds silly and crazy but I really wondered, and this is what I found:
According to some studies, as much as 10 percent of our thoughts involve comparisons of some kind. It’s natural and healthy as long as we know how to do it.
So I guess, she’ll always compare herself but I’ll need to teach her how to do it appropriately without hurting her self-esteem.
Can I just prevent her from using social media until she is an adult then? Just saying this out loud doesn’t sound like a good idea. And it turns out the minimum age requirement on Instagram, TikTok, and Snapchat is 13 which doesn’t help.
It seems a bit early in my opinion but I also thought using a tablet before 2 years old was unreasonable and today it’s the only way I can get things done at home with my hyperactive 19-month-old.
I kept going down the rabbit hole of figuring out the role of social comparison in our lives and why someone like Roosevelt said that comparison is “the thief of joy” while there are plenty of sources saying that comparing ourselves can be very beneficial.
Firstly, I found out that there are 2 types of social comparisons: upward and downward comparisons.
Upward comparison is when you compare yourself to someone you perceive as superior in a particular area and downward is the opposite, you compare yourself to someone you consider inferior.
For this article, I am more interested in the upward comparison because the research has shown that that’s the one leading to lower self-appraisal.
What factors can help us assess when upward comparison is beneficial and what are some foundations I should lay down for my daughter and frankly myself?
It turns out that comparing yourself to someone superior to you in a specific area has been proven to be beneficial if the person is very similar to you.
Another great way to cope with the risk of upward comparison is to already have a high self-esteem.
If you already consider yourself favorably you are more likely to find more in common with those you consider superior when comparing yourself. Additionally, you will be less likely to compare yourself to people who are superior in general!
So if you are just like me, with a very young child and already thinking of the impact of social media on their self-esteem, here is a list of things we can start doing to help them boost their self-esteem so they can cope with the danger of upward comparisons.
Teach them to put things into context, so they can make more realistic and motivating comparisons with similar people.
Don’t compare yourself to your older brother who is praised for his exceptional skills in physics which you don’t even like in the first place.
Compare yourself to your classmate Zoe who is very good at drawing since you share similar passions; you are likely to be motivated and make a good friend.
Help them build up their self-esteem from an early age.
- By teaching them to speak positively of themselves.
- By reminding them of what’s good in their life and teaching them to be grateful for it.
- By teaching them that failures are necessary for success and growth.
Teach them how to think critically.
So they are equipped to understand that social media is a curated highlight reel of solely the best parts of our lives. It’s fake so they should avoid comparing their real life to a version of someone else’s that is being distorted.
I packaged this list of my favorite quotes as a conclusion and hope they resonate with you and your child in the future.
- “Comparison kills your creativity and makes your dreams blurry.”
- “Comparison with myself brings improvement, comparison with others brings discontent.”
- “The reason we struggle with insecurity is that we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.”
- “Your uniqueness increases when you stop comparing yourself to others and start focusing on your own talents.”
- “Personality begins where the comparison ends.”
