An Open Letter to my Daughter as she turns 13:

An open letter to my daughter as she turns 13:

I remember the first time I heard your tiny heart beat and the first time I saw your tiny hands. I remember it so vividly that I am often reminded of how overwhelmed I was that I got to be your mom. Even before I ever saw your sweet little face I knew you would change the world, you had already changed mine. I remember the day you were born literally like it was just a few short days ago, and I guess in retrospect it sort of was. People were wrong though, they said I wouldn’t remember any of the pain; I do. I remember the pain I had in the hospital when I couldn’t get you to breastfeed and how ashamed I was that I must be doing something wrong. I remember the pain I felt when nothing I did comforted you and the hours you spent crying to ensure I knew; I remember the pain I had when you got your first shots. I remember the tears I had when you had your first bump and bruise. I remember how many times you cried for your daddy when he was at work and how quickly you stopped when he got home. I have a felt pain any time you did. When you cried because you were scared of riding a bike without trainingwheels, when you fell down and scraped your knee for the 100 th time. When you had a meltdown in Target because you couldn’t get that toy you wanted because honestly we just couldn’t afford it. I remember when you cried the first time I dropped you off at day care and the first time you thought I’d left you when you locked me outside the house. I remember all of those times; all of those tears, because most of the time I cried with you.

I also remember the laughter that you gave when you were excited about something and the contagious belly laugh you had when we played peak-a- boo. I remember the first time you crawled, your first step, your first words, and the first time you told me you loved me. I remember when I took you to Kindergarten and I was holding on a little too tight and you said “It’s ok momma, you can go now” I remember how excited you were and how absolutely terrified I was. And just like that you’re 13, in what seems like the blink of an eye you went from this small, sweet and lovable little girl to an independent, intelligent, dynamic young woman. You challenge me every day by pushing me to be a better version of myself; you don’t settle for the answer you get, you push for the one you want. And although you don’t always get it you never let it stop you from trying harder the next time. You remind me of what I loved and hated as a teenager. You are one of the kindest people I know, not wanting anyone to feel excluded or friendless no matter how mean they may have been to you. You forgive generously and you love abundantly. You embrace the unique set of talents that you have and you encourage others to see those things in themselves.

Although there is a long list of things that you have yet to experience I am confident that you will have the skills and tools to figure them out. You are a problem solver and a thinker; you can process a difficult situation and somehow come out of it thinking that the obstacle was not so hard to overcome. You are the perfect blend of what is good in both your father and I; logic and passion. I can say that there will come a time where you will probably “dislike” me a lot, in fact I’m sure that time is closer than I want it to be. There will be days when we might not make up minutes after we get into a disagreement and that you will go to school angry at me and I will go to work feeling the same way. You are about to enter into one of the most awkward, rewarding, and memorable times of your life; I know you will have difficult days, lots of them. You are about to start a new chapter of you story, one where you might think you have all the answers but I can assure you; you don’t. You will have your heart broken by friends and boyfriends, more than once. You will fail at least one test. You will be angry at your best friend for more than a day; but you will laugh, cry, and work it out. You will learn that being the best player doesn’t always mean you have the most talent; sometimes it means you cheer and encourage the loudest from the bench. You congratulate the girl who scored 5 goals even when you were open and she could have passed to you. You will give people second chances who didn’t earn them and you will get burnt from those experiences more than once, but you will learn from them. You will make some decisions that you might regret; and you will make more that you won’t. You will fall flat on your face several times and I will let you; but I will always be there to help you pick up the pieces, dust yourself off and get up and try it again.

Up until this point in your life you’ve always relied on me to help guide you and give you advice, I know those times are changing and I won’t always be the first person you talk to. I know that I won’t always have the right answer or the one you want to hear. I won’t like your boyfriends and probably some of your friends. I will encourage you to try things you don’t like and I will make you go to “those lame dances” even if you don’t want to. I will give you space but just enough to figure things out but I will never be farther away than you need me to be.

As you enter the “teenage” years remember that you always have me talk to. I’ve been where you are and I remember what it was like, although times are a little different now the experiences I had in those years are ones that I am fond of; even the ones that weren’t the best experiences have helped shape me into who I am today. Embrace and learn to love each of them; good or bad. Always remember that even though we won’t always see eye to eye that I will always be your biggest fan. I will love you unconditionally no matter where your life takes you. No matter how many times you think you’ve disappointed me or how many times you feel like you’ve failed I will be here to listen, love, and try my best to understand. Give yourself credit for trying even when you come up short. Remember that in order to fly you have to jump, and no matter how far apart we may be, I will always be there to catch you or watch you soar.

Thank you for letting me embarrass you the last 13 years. Thank you for saying “sorry” when you messed up and most of all thank you for forgiving me the hundreds of times that I did.

Love,

Mom