What Going to Church Hasn’t Taught Me.

​I like to think I learned a lot of good things from going to church. Like what the Bible is, who G-D is, the scriptures, and how and when to properly cross myself as not to look out of place with my fellow Episcopalians; but let me tell you what I didn’t learn. I didn’t learn how Christian. To me, the word Christian is a verb; it’s not a noun or an adjective; it’s the actions we take and the way we live our lives. It’s what we do every day from the moment we wake up to the moment we shut our eyes. By definition a Christian is someone who has received Christian baptism or is a believer in Jesus Christ and his teachings. By this definition I know a lot of Christians; but I know far less people that wake up every morning and actually take the initiative to try and live it out. I’ll admit, I struggle at “Christianing” pretty often. (In this case we are going to use “christianing” much like the new phrase “adulting”) Some days it’s really hard for me to “Christian”; not because I don’t believe in Jesus’ teachings or because I wasn’t baptized, but because I just don’t have the energy or patience to love someone who drives me absolutely up the wall because of some difference in opinion or lifestyle choice. And going to church certainly hasn’t taught me how. Christianity doesn’t come with an instruction manual that tells you how to handle each situation as a Christian and church isn’t the lecture hall where we all go to get our degrees. Christianity is evolving and we must prepare ourselves to learn on the fly and in the moment. Sure, attending church on Sundays helps us to stay consistent in our worship and maintain a healthy relationship with our own faith communities but it doesn’t equip us with all the tools we need to be a Christian. I’ve learned far more about how to actively be a Christian beyond the 4 walls of the church than I have inside of one; maybe because I’ve also learned that the church is everywhere that we are and doesn’t require a structural building to exist. . (But that’s a whole other subject; and none of us have time for that.)

I’m sure I will leave a few things out and that your list might look a little different but here’s a pretty good summary of what going to church didn’t teach me.

1. How to pray: Yah, ok some of you probably learned how to pray from attending church; however, I did not. I was always under the impression that prayer was this formal, well thought out, and carefully worded task that had to done at a certain time or place to actually count. Boy, was I wrong. I learned how to talk to G-D from attending youth event as an adult where I sat down with a pad of paper and some colored pencils and started to draw. You might also call this “Praying in Color”. It was at that moment that I realized that G-D really doesn’t care where you are, what you are doing, or how you are doing it; the man just wants to hear from you. (And I’m using the term man loosely!) After that I realized I could yell at G-D, I could sing to G-D, I could even write it on a paper airplane and send it flying in the air and it would be received. The delivery method is really not a critical piece of the puzzle.
2. About Loving our Neighbor as Ourselves: Sure this is a topic that is preached about on a regular basis from the pulpit on Sunday mornings. And it’s always something that I go home and reflect upon, but when I look at how it’s acted out I can’t say that I see this by just attending church. Unfortunately, church can be fairly similar to a high school girl’s locker room. Lots of gossip and drama combined with a lot of fake smiles and backstabbing behaviors. Now, don’t get me wrong, I have a lot of good solid and supportive friendships from relationships at church but the reality is churches tend to be as drama filled as the day time television shows we sometimes become engrossed with. We are all guilty of participating in some type of church related drama over a small disagreement on a policy or scripture interpretation; we’ve all been there and we will probably do it again. Which leads me to the whole loving your neighbor thing; I learned about that from listening to my daughter respond to the news coverage of the Boston Marathon bombing. The smallest comment from a 7 year old girl about praying for someone who violently took the lives of several innocent people changed my entire perspective on one of the greatest commandments given to us. I remember it as if it happened a couple days ago. “Mom, I know that guy who hurt all those people did something very bad, but I think he deserves our prayers. We should pray for him because he needs G-D right now more than we do.” That just happened to be the exact words I needed to hear to help me realize that all the petty things that I was holding grudges for was preventing me from loving other people how they deserved to be loved. And whether or not we want to pray for those people, G-D calls us to do so. He calls us to action and to love those who persecute us as well as those who love us. G-D didn’t care about someone’s race, their religion, or their lifestyle. All He wanted was for us to follow Him and love like he did; lucky for us He sent His only son to walk the earth as we do and die for all those times we forget to love one another like He loves us.
3. How to Take Up My Cross and Follow Him: Then Jesus said to his disciples, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me”. Matthew 16:24 I’m not sure about you, but listening to a person who I can’t physically see telling me what to do isn’t necessarily the easiest thing to do. Nothing about going to church has really pushed me to stop what I am doing and just follow whatever off the wall idea G-D has for me that day, and sometimes I’m not sure if they are my crazy ideas or His, so I tend to not always listen. G-D challenged his disciples to take risk; as parishes or collective church bodies, we tend to stick to what we know and are afraid of change. We sit in the same pew, we have the same traditions at our services, and we rarely stray from the “church” norm. So if we can’t do it as a collective body of Christ then why would we want to do it as individuals? I learned how to take risk from my husband, Josh. One day he just came to me and said “G-D wants me to be a youth minister, and He wants me to do it full time.” I thought that he had lost his mind, Josh not G-D (ok maybe I thought G-D had lost a few of His marbles). He was willing to give up a stable and successful job to follow something he felt called to do by G-D. Now maybe that doesn’t seem so crazy, but his position wasn’t that of a typical youth minister and it was something that had never been done in our diocese before, in all actuality you could almost say it was an experiment. Josh and his boss spent months working with churches to ensure success would be in place for the ramp up of the program, but the risk was still there, it still is. However, Josh has learned that G-D doesn’t fail you when you actually listen to Him. The risk that Josh took by following G-D has opened up a whole world of opportunities for not only him but ministry in the Episcopal Church; especially in our diocesan faith community. It’s started multiple conversations and it’s allowed other groups and ministries to try to look outside the box. It’s caused us to shake things up a bit. It has also caused me to do the same thing; to take a risk. In June I started going back to school. Almost my entire life I have felt called to teaching and working with kids in an environment where I can help inspire and motivate them to reach their full potential; I’m hoping to graduate in 2019 with a teaching degree. Sometimes that force is simply too strong to hold off and you just have to pick up that cross, no matter how heavy and go where He is leading you.
4. How to Christian: The church does a tremendous job of teaching the scriptures and Jesus’ teachings but to actual see them put to work you have to go out and be His hands and feet in the world. My first experience with this was in July of 2011 when I spent a week in the KC metro area doing mission work for Habitat for Humanity. The week was extremely hot and absolutely exhausting, all I could think about was when I could shower and get into AC. We came back everyday needing to shower and rehydrate ourselves for our next day of work. During our 4 days at the house we painted, caulked, played in dirt, and sweated profusely but the work was worth it. We got to meet and work beside the soon to be owners of the home and their gratitude for our short 4 days of work was overwhelming. But that still didn’t stop me from complaining about the heat and being exhausted. I woke up that Saturday morning excited for what I thought would be a day of air conditioning and light work but what I walked away with was a heavy heart and a lot more appreciation for the things in my life I took for granted. A bus full of youth and adults went and served breakfast to over 150 people in a community that was stricken by poverty and several people were unaware where there next meal would come from or even when that would be. We served young children, elderly disabled adults, and every type of person in between, but what they lacked in material things they made up for with love. Every single one of them was full of gratitude for the meal, the conversation, the clean table, and the safe haven we provided to them for 2 hours. They were honest and open, they offered to clean up after themselves and wipe tables for us. They had nothing but were willing to give what they could to express their gratitude for what we had done. They were an example of G-d’s unfailing grace and abundant forgiveness. I got more spiritually from physically serving them than I could have ever imagined possible. I began reflecting back on the week with a different perspective after spending the morning putting my hands and feet in motion to do G-d’s work. The need for air conditioning was not as great, my sense of hunger for my lunch was suppressed, and my heart was filled with an incredible feeling of G-D’s love. I had spent much of my week complaining about things I went without for a few hours, when in reality the world around me and the people in it where going without those material items for days, weeks, and possibly months. That week sparked a change in me to want to change the world one action at a time. It made me see that suffering happens outside our doors, that hunger is reality (both physical and spiritual hunger), and that some people don’t even have thier basic needs meet on a daily basis. It provided an insight that made me realize that it’s my responsibility to cloth the naked, feed the hungry, befriend the friendless; to offer shelter and a safe place when needed. That weekend made me want to live a life that really gave back to others. One that got me outside of my comfort zone and allowed me to preach the gospel without words. It’s a week I spent with some of the best people I know learning about how we could make an impact on our own communities, sometimes by simply showing up. It was the first time I truly understood how to “Christian” in the world and truly be the hands and feet of Jesus. It provided hope that one small act can change the world, maybe not for all mankind, but for someone.
5. To Trust the Darkness: G-D never places things in our lives we can’t handle. Although this statement is cliche it’s full of truth. G-D gives us what we need to weather any storm. He places people in our lives who can help conquer our biggest challenges and He calls us to listen for Him in our lives and to help guide us. He’s got perfect timing. I’ve learned lesson on more than one occasion but most recently when my mother passed away a little over a year ago. G-D provided me with an incredible partner in life to help me pick up the pieces of my shattered heart and slowing place them back together. He put friends in my life who would drop anything to wipe away tears; a faith community who would understand when I became angry at Him for taking my mom before I was ready. He gave my dad a supportive church, my sister a new perspective on what He could do if she’d let Him in. He took a tragedy and turned it into something powerful and uplifting. G-D continues to be a beacon of light in my life at my darkest hours. He has set quietly with me in the dark and He has been patient when I’ve over stayed my welcome there. G-D gives us the opportunity to make our own light when we can’t see His; and then He gently, ok sometimes not so gently, reminds us that our own lights shine because He has provided the smallest flicker. Darkness isn’t so bad once you’ve learned that He will always turn on the light.

So out of all the things I didn’t learn by going to church to learn how to Christian, I think the thing that’s been the most impactful is knowing it’s not a place we go to but rather an environment we can take with us wherever we go. And as far as I’m concerned, it’s easier to hear G-D when we forget about going to church and start actively being the church.

Disclaimer: Please don’t take this as a way to actually avoid going to church, but rather a way to take the church with you when you leave the building on Sunday mornings.