Today I’m deliriously tired. Like, seriously beyond the norm tired. Beyond the 8-cups-of-coffee-can-get-me-through norm. Basically let’s just say that I’m at the George Costanza “let’s build a bed under any table and sleep through a bomb scare” kind of tired. Because I totally would. And, now that I think about it, I did sleep through a 4.3 earthquake at 5a this morning- that’s close to a bomb scare right?
And the only thing, ONLY THING, I want is chocolate. Inexcusably, I’ve been termed a “Chocolate Chick” i.e. a female who functions better with dark chocolate. I suppose it’s true and I’m rather unapologetic about it. Usually. Chocolate is my comfort when Bodie decides that he wants to pull a middle of the morning party rager a la his Father in his glory days. I can’t blame him, if I could take 3 naps today I would party at night as well.
As I sit here writing, taking a sip of my hot chocolate and enjoying my dark chocolate mint Kiss — I am really going for it today- I can’t help but realize how our culture primes us to use food as comfort, for everything and anything. Regardless if we’re really hungry or not. For example, if you’re having a bad day, what do you want? Comfort food. A boyfriend just broke up with you? Pint of ice cream and wine. Someone died in the family? Expect casseroles of macaroni and cheese and a lasagna. All of these images, used so much that it’s almost laughable, doesn’t overcome the stereotype that is, in fact, true.
And we’re all adding to it.
Bodie had a shot yesterday. What did I immediatly do before and after? Breastfeed him. Yes, there is research that the act of sucking can calm a baby, which is why I did what I did. But, long-term, what am I teaching him?
Pain + Food = Calm
That’s the equation we teach our children. How do we do this? By giving them lollipops after the Doctor’s office or by rewarding hard work at school with a pizza party or ice cream. Though small food rewards are fun, should this be what we pass on in our culture? Should we teach that food is a replacement for happiness instead of what food really is i.e. fuel? No wonder we have as many problems as we do with obesity, with disease. We’re abusing our resources. As parents, we need to take a second to realize when we start forcing this view on our children. In my expert and researched opinion, we start from day one. How horrifying is that? From day one we start sticking things in our kiddo’s mouths to have them stop crying. Because, if they’re crying, they’re hungry right? That’s the only reason a newborn baby would cry. Not because they’re cold, or scared, or tired, or just experienced an itch- no, it’s because they’re hungry. Obviously I make a hyperbole to drive home a point, and in writing, it may seem obvious. Regardless, get new parents in the crux of a hard situation with a screaming infant and believe me, feeding the baby will be one of the first things they’ll try, sometimes validated and sometimes not.
As a culture, we need to learn how to move away from the norm of using food as a pacifier. Our world is a more stressful place for children and adults- with more access to social media, increased imagery and transfer of knowledge, faster paced lifestyles, it’s hard to keep up and our bodies are constantly on the verge of having a break down. But, we need to unwind via healthy means, not just grabbing the first thing that may taste good and putting it in our mouths. The need to create healthy coping patterns need to start from infancy and extend beyond as the child grows older. Crying is, and always will be, a LATE communication cue. Think about this in terms as an adult. Is a grown ups first defense when stressed out to start crying? Usually no. Usually the start is being extremely irritable or unengaged in our work. Normally adults don’t start with the Hail Mary of crying right off the bat. And babies/children are no different; they just have a shorter fuse.
As parents, our job is to guide our children into healthy ways to thrive in this world. I think it’s time we take a time out and see what we want to continue in our next generation instead of blindly leading them under the guise of “cultural norm.”
We can do this together!
– Petra
Originally published at mommiesnmunchkins.net.
