Here’s a few of my guilty pleasures you may or may not know about me:
- I LOVE gangster movies, especially if they’re real. My most favorite television show so far is called Narcos. When it’s political, it’s staged in a different country about real bad guys I become in love. Does that mean I love bad guys? No, I’m over it. What I love is the intricate story line, the hidden messages and the people who seemingly don’t give a shit.
- I can properly play with butterfly knives. I owned one, for several years, and practiced with it all of the time. Did I ever use it? Nope, just loved playing with it and no, I didn’t get hurt either.
- I can sing in several languages and understand the basics of three language: Francais, Espanol and Portugese. I can sing in Hawaiian, Tahitian, Samoan and Tongan. I learned French in high school and utilized it in Tahiti, Spanish in Costa Rica and utilized it here and Portugese when I was actively practicing Capoeira.
Why am I revealing all of this, because they’re fun facts that I secretly like to attribute to being a badass secret agent of some sort (hence the propensity for gangster movies) but also because for some reason it all helps me to focus.
For whatever reason my wide variety of skills are and will be useful at some point in my life, my spirit keeps telling me that. I don’t have the brain or the emotional control to be working with the government, my passion is too imbedded in me to follow orders, neither do I find it the least bit exciting to join the dark side of illegal, corrupt organizations — after all, I do give a fuck. But like the CIA I love gathering random information, I never limit myself to what society may or may not find appropriate. I find pleasure in learning about everything and anything even if it may seem useless to others.
So focus it is and gangster movies bring out the badass in me to say “hey… don’t give two more fucks and take care of your shit.” The badass in the backseat who is smoking a cigarette is saying “you need to drive this bitch and make some fucking money” lol. And for a while, I will let her drive or at least give me back seat instructions.
So here’s my grandoise plan that i’m currently sticking to because it’s reasonable, quick and will temporarily make me feel alive:
- Work — The crazy doctor is awesome, and now she’s busy. It’s been great working with her and taking up more hours with me and my beautiful co-worker. I enjoy learning about the different ailments that can be addressed with homeopathic remedies for your body to correct itself. The badass is saying “this is useful, fun and you can put a spin on this to help all of you in the office.” It also beats being on unemployment.
- Exercise — I’m content with jogging the farm fields before I go to work. I’ve found a way to focus and increase my stamina. It’s an awesome feeling and best of all, it’s free. Besides, when I have time and don’t walk I get to go home and dance or do yoga. It’s a win/win/win and badass says its necessary for sanity and self esteem.
- Children — Badass tells me I need to protect my kids. If I wanna be close to a secret agent that means I focus my attention on my children. Not only do they challenge my emotional stability (because children are experts and pushing parents’ buttons) but I learn so much more about myself when I pay attention to them. Sounds selfish? Yes and no. Because life is really what YOU make of it, literally. My kids don’t think I’m selfish, they’re happy when I pay attention to them. So I use their education as a basis for me to assess where I’m at mentally, physically, academically, etc. I’ll delve more on that subject some other time.
- Writing — So far it holds some sort of key. Badass has no comment on this one probably because it’s something the real me has a true say in. Badass knows her rank in this and says she supports the real me which is why she’s around. Writing, she says, is the real you. And the real me has transformed and accepted the challenge of being a writer. So in order to write, I must focus because I have 3 projects now lingering and talking to me. My characters are saying “finish me!!” he/she wants to be born and die in peace. He/she wants a timeline, a focus.
So focus I must — for me, for my family, for my sanity. What do you do to focus? What voice helps you in all of this?
If you don’t have an answer, here’s one of my favorite scenes from the movie Kickass lol: https://youtu.be/9EdxM_QSSnY