Reflection and Recap

** This was written on July 14, 2017**

It’s way too early to be up this morning, especially in my own time zone. Right now, in Mexico City, it’s 5:25 in the morning and in California it would be 3:25 am, where my body is experiencing the biggest dip in energy (aka when I should be fast asleep) according to the circadian rhythm.

It was hard for me to come to the airport for several reasons: 1. our flight is delayed 2. I don’t want to go home 3. I’m sleep deprived 4. realistically I don’t think I’ll be making it to Brazil but we’ll see what happens and 5. it’s highly probable I’ll be missing my therapy appointment that I so badly need.

My Costa Rican brother and I stayed up til 11:45 in the evening drinking and talking shit in the hotel room. We were laughing about various subjects from Brazilian waxing to reminiscing about his best friend (my ex boyfriend), then shifted from serious conversations about action verses talk and onto life in general, then back to laughing about sex and Brazilian waxing again (our seemingly favorite topic). I’m seriously blessed to have guy friends like him and no he’s not gay. In fact he admitted to having to take a cold shower after our conversation while I crashed onto the bed in a drunken haze. No creepy midnight stares, no date rapes, nothing. We were both snoring away on different beds tired for different reasons — my vacationing and his business.

I hope my sons are able to establish proper friendships with women (and I hope they are successful as Julio). It’s not very difficult when hormones don’t get in the way and communication is clear. Dancing in a group with men helped my transition, especially Tahitian dancing where most of the moves are very sensual. Then men in the group had a deep respect for us women either because of their culture but because they revered our sensual power with respect and had adopted each of us girls as their own, as family. Plus we had to be comfortable changing in front of them when the time crunch was too close to the stage, and in order to do that every type of modesty had to be out the door.

I definitely didn’t get naked in front of Julio, we respectively used the bathroom to ready ourselves and looked away when we were adjusting clothing but as a woman I can tell when a man truly respects me to the point where neither of us have to question our intention. That is a wisdom I intent to impart to my two boys.

Anyway…a little too much on the subject while I drink this make shift Irish coffee. And since I’m a personal reflection kick, I’ll get that out of the way first before I recap on my wonderful adventure in Mexico City, which will come in pieces in the next weeks to come. (Sorry, the Ugly Rancher is proving way too hard to write these days because I keep changing the story.)

Action: I had another epiphany…talk is cheap. Somewhere in the National Museum of Anthropology deep in the forrest of Chapultapec, while the tour guide was taking us through the Aztec portion as I came across a statue of a warrior, it just hit me.

We all like to talk — talk about plans, talk about life, talk about dreams, different experiences. It’s pretty much all this blog is centered on these days. It’s fun to talk but to a degree, talk is cheap. I am and have always been a woman of action. Sometimes my action is short lived sometimes it carries me a long way but it’s action — action to start my divorce, action to follow through with plans, actions to message a good friend to make sure she is doing OK and offering my time to her. Even when I was severely depressed my action included therapy sessions with a professional, personal therapy by way of writing, and accepting invitations to train for free. This week’s action was accepting to tag along to my friend’s travel plans and for a quick getaway to reset my mind. So why do I constantly talk about what I’m not doing when I’m clearly “doing” something? Action can also include saying no. Refusing to do something for whatever reason it is, regardless of how it makes you or another person feel is a definitive answer and therefore an action to a question.

Second reflection to follow “action”: Communication. I can blame it on my anxiety, my past experiences with my soon-to-be ex husband or even my father but moving forward — clear communication is what I’m striving for. I can’t expect anyone to read my mind but what I can expect (of myself) is to clearly communicate my wishes and needs to another person. Concise communication with the absense of assumption becomes as plain as it can be. What I see these days and particularly in myself is an assumption taking place followed by judgment. Had I been less fearful to communicate with my ex husband I might have been successful in disarming his proverbial wall and actually getting an important message to him about my needs and feelings. Instead of assuming that he’s going to get angry and defensive all of the time (which, lets face it, my assumptions were correct) then I would have at least had a chance to say everything that I wanted to say to him instead of keep it bottled up inside of me.

And as much as I despise being the “strong one” in most of my relationships both intimate and non intimate, lack of communication is on me as well. What I’m learning to do now is to be more like Julio — I am trying to train myself to accept an answer that may be in the form of a rejection. In the end I’d rather have an answer than constantly wondering or worse, learning I made a poor assumption. Either way if I don’t communicate I’m putting myself in the dark. Sure it’s a two way straight but in one instance of my life in particular I’m just way too afraid to ask a question or have that conversation. So yes, I’m only human too and prone to a myraid of errors.

Last night Julio told me this — “Mama, you need to upgrade you’ve worked too hard and have too much to offer. Make yourself your priority and upgrade the people in your life. You’re at a successful point as a person where you can pick and choose the company you keep, friends, lovers and even family.” And again he reminded me that I’m raising two little men so in any and all relationships, they need the best example their mother can give them. Even this morning I looked at him and laughed “upgrade right?”

So upgrade my life it is… In the meantime, this trip was an entire upgrade in every which way possible. Here are a few pictures as proof:

Here’s the entrance to the hotel. The picture does no justice to the beauty of this place.

Entrance to the JW Marriott in Mexico City

The infamous Bohemia in a glass as told in the “Letter to My Best Friend” aka Lechita. I’m putting it out there in the universe to be able to travel and write as my part of my career. I can do this all day long!

For my French friend Christele, I know she would have appreciated the variety of cheeses served every day for dinner.

Courtesy of the Executive Lounge in JW Marriott, best cheese platter I’ve tasted!

I can’t wait to show my boys these beautiful obsidian pieces that they are so very obsessed with. The sculptures are inspired by that ancient civilization in Teotihuacan.

The photo I texted to my crush, one of the many paintings of Diego Rivera in the Presidential Palace. I fell in love with this man and his art.

Proof I was in the Palace lol. Since I was traveling by myself all I had were selfies. At least my teeth is still white.

The famous statue that inspired the epiphany. I would have bought a miniature version of this statue if it were available. It represented “Action”.

And finally what is a trip without great food and drinks! Julio and I went to a proper bar in the Polanco district. We ordered Tequila, of course.

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