How Overloading Shame Traps People in Alcoholism
Welcome back to Momo: Breaking the Mold Medium blog.
This fortnight’s HealthyPlace article is now live — click this link to read it in full. >>>> https://tinyurl.com/4c6rzt34
I’ll be touching on aspects of the blog here with some elaboration on these points, including a work-related mock example.
An Overview of the HealthyPlace Article
The primary focus for the HealthyPlace blog centres on shame, and its role is active alcoholism. Shame is a powerful emotion that taps into who we are at the core of our being. It’s shaped by experience but also a subjective internal monologue that morphs into something that skews the perception of shame.
And if you’re in a bad mental space — you’ll likely experience more overwhelming levels of shame. My blog delves into the link between shame and alcoholism, but it’s interchangeable with every addiction. So, how do we combat this in practical terms?
Sorting Facts from Fiction of Shame
I’m a function-over-fashion type of guy — I want solutions, even to emotional issues. I believe the key is dismantling the bullsh*t and sorting the true from the false.
For example — someone drinks heavily at a party, offends guests, and annoys friends but doesn’t do anything illegal or dangerous or harmful to others.
Most non-addicts could brush this off and likely reduce their alcohol at future events. Conversely, an alcoholic will probably drink the next day immediately to avoid the overload of shame. The vital point here is the word overload — which I’m stating is an excessive shame compared with the inciting event.
Shame Gone Array = Alcoholism Loop
Some of you will have heard the expression negative feedback loop. Shame becomes one for alcoholics and addicts — it drives relapses and active addiction through the sheer intensity of the emotional response. From my experience, this is due to unmanageable levels of shame and guilt.
Instead of making amends, we reach for a bottle first, and the loop forms. Although many alcoholics isolate themselves to avoid further embarrassing situations, this can damage mental health.
Fear is at the foundation of this overload of shame. We then make fear-based decisions that start as coping mechanisms that gradually form a trap. If we take actions that masquerade as self-preservation, it’s more difficult to challenge these behaviours.
So, is this hopeless, or is there a hack?
Use this Checklist to Determine Instances of Shame Overload
Regarding the mock example I noted, let’s consider a work-related example of where shame and the stigma of alcoholism merge into a negative loop.
I’m not too fond of the term because it’s a misnomer, but functioning alcoholism requires the person to live a double life. They might be known for drinking a lot, especially on nights out, but no one suspects more than that. However, they consume alcohol unsociably, often at work or on their lunch break.
In this example, the overload of shame attached to admitting to being an alcoholic prevents seeking help.
Now, we’ll look at a checklist from the blog. If I feel unusual levels of shame crop up, I go through these questions:
· Do I deserve to feel this level of shame?
· Is this feeling attached to a specific incident? (Past or present)
· Do I need to make any amends?
· How can I improve my behaviour to help avoid adverse outcomes?
I then journal answers to these questions to decipher fact from fiction. There will be many times when there is some truth and reason to feel ashamed after using the list.
Changing behaviour is better than apologising, but I suggest doing both because we want to encourage dialogue.
Unwarranted levels of shame thrive through passivity or inaction. The more active you are, the less prone you’ll be to overloading shame.
Reduce Unnecessary Shame in Recovery
I would love to tell you that recovery is easy, but it isn’t. All recovery addicts come with a trail of burnt bridges and strained relationships. Some we’ll never be able to mend — but we can always change our behaviour and try to be better every day.
This all requires fearless self-evaluation minus the overload of shame. Otherwise, you’re fuelling the negative shame loop that may lead to active addiction.
Check-In at HealthyPlace Today
Please read the blog and article linked in this post and share your thoughts in the comments section on the HealthyPlace site.
Go well, and please feel free to comment.
Your friend,
Momo
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