03. The Way I Get By

Bianca Monaco
Sep 6, 2018 · 3 min read
  • Tuesday, September 4th, 2018
  • 8:23 PM
  • Day 164 in LA

I get rides from strangers, drink too late on Mondays, always seek out a little danger, never leave a place without a new friend. I dance at bars, sleep with the windows open, laugh with the crowd, improv my schedule, flirt with some with sin, occasionally wake up with company, go out when I know I shouldn’t, find pride in the hustle, put faith in wine, cycle to the gym, believe in asking questions, do the homework from my therapist, indulge in ramen, always say yes, and leave my judgement to the gods. That’s the way I get by in LA.

“Am I crazy, or have you been flirting with me for the past few weeks?” I’m blunt. I like to save time. I cut into the tension with this question. I stared at him from across the table. “Yes, I’ve been flirting with you.” I was first and foremost deeply pleased with myself, I love being right. Which was followed by being shockingly flattered. “So what do we do now?” my question, was a challenge. He blushed, I stayed steady in my stare. The moment was palpable but the answer to that question never came in words. Our mutual friend returned to the table with more drinks, we laughed, the tension increased. Having that question marinate into the evening was the exact torture that ensued as I laid next to him in his bed later that night.

We did not have sex. There was wine, loop holes, a restless night of sleep, and a successfully honored agreement: no sex, it complicates things.

I get by on stolen glances, cooking for myself, flirtatious DM’s, gardening on the weekends, and the occasional email of cute puppy links from a good friends. But complicated? That is a fuel of my Miami past. I don’t do complicated. Even for a man with a smile that would make Megan Markle question her life choices.

What do I do? Monday night improv shows and drinks, Tuesday night classes, Thursday dinner with friends. Hikes, concerts, dancing, and reality tv binge watching on the weekends; pilates all through the week. I research ramen recipes I want to try to make, the self reflection from therapy sessions, long catch up calls with east coast friends, LA activities with new found friends. I plan weekend get aways and next summer’s trips. I write stories, letters, and witty texts. I participate in sweet talk when I can and yes, I sharpen my tongue for the occasions I need to cut tension, forge scars, or have pillow talk with a humble and handsome man that I won’t touch because it’s complicated. And I don’t do complicated.

“You started this” he smiled when he said it. I start lots of things, it’s literally the nature of my job but this time around, I simply called things out. Another thing that I do, but not necessarily because of my work. “I did not. I wasn’t the one that invited me to sleep here and then refused to let me crash on a couch” we laughed. A past time we like to participate in. It was the morning, and we started to try to place blame on why the tension was exceptionally worse now, but so much better. Ya know? I got into my uber with a heavy hang over and a sense of sweet freedom. I can do whatever I want, when I want, however I want. With those amount of choices, it felt great that choosing complicated wasn’t a part of my LA menu. My appetite was satisfied, I was right, he was flirting.

I get to walk across streets and cars actually stop for me, take a bird to lunch with my CTO, walk through farmers markets, live with a very cute puppy, find camping gear and dive sites, debate taking surf lessons, research skateboards, ride the metro to downtown, escape to the hills for the hipster vibes, host a number of friends since I’ve arrived, and do yoga with goats, always say yes, and leave my judgement to the gods and most recently, relishing in being right. That’s the way I get by in LA.


Originally published at www.tgimonday.co.

Bianca Monaco

Written by

raised in jersey. schooled in baltimore. lived in miami. moved to LA.

Welcome to a place where words matter. On Medium, smart voices and original ideas take center stage - with no ads in sight. Watch
Follow all the topics you care about, and we’ll deliver the best stories for you to your homepage and inbox. Explore
Get unlimited access to the best stories on Medium — and support writers while you’re at it. Just $5/month. Upgrade