What are the signs of an unaffirmed person (I)

One of the obstacles in the process of human maturation is the lack of affirmation in families. Since children grow up unaffirmed, they in turn cannot give what they do not possess.

First of, the word affirmation comes from the Latin affirmare and means to make firm, to give strength to, to make strong. It implies assent, agreement, consent, a willingness to say YES to all creation. To all that is good, beautiful and true in nature and another. It is acceptance of the other person for who they are. At the root of all maturing love is the need for affirmation. When children hear affirming words such as, “you are good” “you are beautiful” “you are wonderful”, healing takes place and they grow up affirmed members of society. They have no need of all the external need for ego stroking, and seeking “things” for a sense of well being. The affirmed individual sees goodness in himself/herself for themselves. That is “you are good not because of anything you are doing, accomplishing or giving” You are good just because… you are you. Once a child knows this and feels this from the parent(s) he/she then experiences the healing touch of affirmation. Both parents have a role in the life of the child.

When this is absent in a child’s life, they grow up as though in a vacuum, seeking all kinds of affirmation in all the wrong persons, places or things. Self-affirmation is the unhealthy process of trying to convince oneself or others that you matter, you are important, special, desire to be noticed when deep down you are just an empty shell, you feel worthless simply because you have not received the love that should have been given to you growing up. The desire of all men and women is to be affirmed to be loved.

Here are some signs that one is unaffirmed and is seeking affirmation:

Some seek to affirm themselves through:

• sexual promiscuity and various forms of sensate pleasures
• The need to impress others with their wealth, amassing worldly riches
• Excessive striving for achievement in work, community affairs
• Acquisition of status
• DUI/Addictions (drugs, alcohol, gambling)
• Workaholics
• Hoarding
• Degrees and more degrees, and bragging about them.
• Wearing masks and false identities
• They lack the ability to set apropriate boundaries and assert themselves
• Such individual wear out and isolate after exhausting these props
• They are not truly happy people/they seem happy but are not

I dare say that, a healthy, happy home is the birthplace of affirmed individuals who go on to be stable contributing members of a larger society. Men and women need to be affirmed.

We can transform the world we live in by living intentionally, slowing down, and not get caught up in the frenzy of “more, faster, and fastest, doing rather than being” Can we just pause and be, appreciate the beauty and wonder of creation, gaze on goodness, marvel at the mystery of life? Can we take the time beginning today to BE, to affirm the other and truly meaning it?