The Secrets We Keep
We’re excited to launch our first piece in our Real Moms series. Founder Monica Royer of Monica + Andy shares her journey through loss.
Motherhood is a journey that can bring with it the highest of highs and also some moments that are difficult to bear. As we spend time sharing stories of us at our best, I think it is important to share the dark moments to remind us that we are not alone.
From the moment you find out you are pregnant, you are excited to tell everyone and yet you hesitate because of the risk that you might miscarry. I want to stand with other mothers and parents and share my story — that I too know the loss and sadness of a miscarriage. I think it is time that we no longer have to suffer in silence when we lose a baby.
For me, I was just a few weeks away from the end of my first trimester but I had already told so many people. The pregnancy had been grueling and had left me sick and exhausted on a daily basis. It was not unlike my first pregnancy in how I felt. However, this pregnancy was different in that I now have a company, a four-and-a-half year old daughter, and there was not much time to rest like the first pregnancy. I work closely with a lot of my coworkers and thus my change in mood and demeanor (as well as my newfound disgust of coffee) was evident. The number of people I told grew as the weeks went by. I shared my exciting news more out of necessity to justify my lethargic behavior then anything else.
When I found out about the loss in my doctors office the only thing that got me through that appointment (other then my husband’s shoulder to cry on) were the brave stories of all of my friends that had walked this path before me. Their stories of loss, grief, and recovery paved the way for me in that tiny and lonely exam room that day. I felt hollowed out from the loss, but I knew I would be okay because I had seen others recover.
Instead of feeling regret that so many would know about my loss, I felt love and support from those around me. Instead of walking through this experience in silence, I was able to recover as I talked through it with those closest to me.
Every experience with miscarriage is different and personal. The choices on how you handle it are 100% individual. I can only say from my experience that being able to tell people is what helped to get me through.