The Heartbeat Bill: Addenda

1. The Deadbeat-Dads-Are-Really-Trying-Okay? Bill

2. The Dying-in-Childbirth-Is-Not-A-Public-Health-Crisis-and-We-Hate-Pregnant-Women-Anyway Bill

3. The Guns-Don’t-Kill-People-Just-Black-People-and-That’s-Okay-By-Us Bill

4. The Elderly-With-No-Health-Care-Can-Die-Peacefully-At-Home-(or-in-the- Streets) Bill

5. The Scrotum-Protection Bill (stat)

6. The U.S.-Infant-Mortality-Rate-Is-Embarrassing-But-Who-Cares-Not-Us Bill

7. The Every-Child-Goes-Hungry-and-They-Deserve-It-Because-They’re-Poor-and-Stupid Bill

8. The Gentle-and-Nonintrusive-Prostate-Exam-with-Soft-Chamber-Music Bill

9. The End-Contraception-Now-To-Prevent-Abortion Bill

10. The No-Sex-Outside-of-Marriage-to-Mike-Pence-(and/or-His-Wife) Bill

11. The 99-Years-in-Prison-For-Daring-To-Have-a-Uterus-in-America Bill

12. The Transgender-People-Confuse-and-Terrify-Me-So-We-Must-Legislate-Them Bill

13. The Over-My-Impotent-Body-Will-A-Woman-Ever-Be-President-(Nancy-Is-Scary) Bill

14. The Omnibus-Viagra-On-Demand-and-Tremendous-Tax-Relief-for-My-Friends-and-Me Bill

15. The All-Heartbeats-Matter-(Except-Yours) Bill