I am a shell of the person I used to be.
I used to not let things bother me. I used to shove it aside, hide it deep inside, and not think about it ever. Now everything is in the forefront of my mind, coming into light the minute I have a second to breathe and think.
I built the confidence in myself to get to get in the gym every day and now I struggle with the notion of getting myself to go and disgusted with myself with all the weight I put back on.
I worry everything I do wrong, even the little of things, will be amplified x100. I also worry that all things I have done is coming back to bite me in bigger ways.
I fear that I’ve let friendships shatter, and maybe they were somewhat fixed, they never looked the same.
And the biggest thing that consumes me is that no matter whatever I do is that no one really understands. Perhaps they think I’m over sensitive or that maybe I even deserve it.
None of this thoughts have an end but I needed a place to put them down. Maybe something can convince me otherwise that everything is going to be okay.