My thoughts on taking some time off school to focus on yourself

Monica Iqbal
Aug 23, 2017 · 5 min read

I know I haven’t posted a blog entry in a while, but I’ve been inspired recently to get back into writing. Writing is an old hobby of mine. I still have some drafts that I haven’t touched since last summer, but I will get around to it when I can.

For the first two years of my undergrad, I faced tremendous challenges. Mental health, more specifically anxiety, was one of them. My anxiety made it quite difficult to do well in school. I could not find the motivation to get out of bed or attend my morning or first-period classes because my anxiety had a negative impact on my sleep schedule. I would stay up late distracting myself from my worries by binge-watching Youtube videos, going on social media, or listening to songs for hours on end. I refused to get out of bed before noon on evenings and weekends. I compared myself to others quite a lot. I felt like I wasn’t good enough. I overthought literally everything. I sometimes was afraid to ask for help in fear of being judged or looked down upon just because I didn’t understand the material. I questioned myself; why did I decide to go into CS? Why choose U of T? Why take five courses? Why take morning classes when I could just take classes later in the day and sleep in? Anxiety ruled my whole life. Especially on my tests and exams. Even when the class averages were pretty good (i.e. 70 or higher), I often scored below the averages. In first year, I got a 37% on my intro to CS midterm while the average was about 73%.

That wasn’t the only issue, however. I didn’t put myself first and instead put school first, feeling as if my life would be over if I didn’t do well on a test, assignment, or exam. I initially took too many courses because I wanted to complete my undergrad in four years and do what everyone else was doing. I burned out in second year because I had spent three consecutive academic years doing full-time studies and not having much time for myself (I spent the summer after my first year taking three summer courses, then only having a couple weeks to myself before the new school year). I was advised to take a lighter course load so that my anxiety would be under control, but I thought to myself that taking five courses would be okay because I had already adjusted to the university system. I was wrong.

In first semester of second year, my grades were: 69, 65, 56. My GPA went down from 2.8 to 2.6. That semester was, to date, my worst semester ever. But that wasn’t all. The second semester was also pretty bad, but I also achieved my first mark above a 70 for the year in a second-year geography course. (I am doing a geography minor.) I didn’t let the fact that I literally got no mark above 70 for the first semester bring me down. I was hoping to do much better in the second semester, and so I experimented a lot with some study habits. Some worked, and some didn’t work for me. For example, I began using Google Calendar to keep track of all my lecture and tutorial times, with reminders popping up on my phone or computer at least 30 minutes before. I still do. It’s been incredibly useful in helping me be on time for class.

After the end of second year, I took some time to reflect on the year as a whole. I ended second year with a 2.4 GPA. I thought about what I did right and wrong. I thought about the future. I thought about my mental health and what steps I would take to improve it. I spent some time looking for therapy to help me deal with my anxiety. I’ve had anxiety since I was a kid, but when it got to university, it started getting worse and I initially did nothing about it. I was afraid to get help because of the stigma behind mental health issues, but I convinced myself to try it out because it would be beneficial for me. I eventually did group therapy at my school for two months and learned a lot of coping strategies that I continue to use when needed. In addition to getting help, I decided to take the second half of the summer semester off in order to work on improving myself (I took linear algebra that summer, and it ran for two months). That meant no summer courses or work. Although I sort of regretted not getting a part-time job last summer in order to build my work experience, I had a great time during those months off. I spent lots of time with my family and friends and had lots of time to do some pleasurable activities such as taking walks around my neighbourhood. My anxiety was starting to get better.

It was during last summer that I decided not to return to full-time studies for the 2016–17 year. It has been advisable that I reduce my course load in order to do well in school and to manage my anxiety, so that was the year when I decided to take a step back and slow it down. I planned on doing one course for each semester and did not plan on getting a job. In fact, the courses I took that year were repeats. I tried to get into the computer science subject POSt (program of study) but got rejected due to not scoring high enough in the required courses. I wanted to try again that year while simultaneously taking care of myself.

I never looked after myself and my mental health as much, and when I began to do so, I felt so much better. It also allowed me to prevent burning out and gave me enough time to study each week and ask for help. I developed new study habits and learned how time management worked. The year was overall very positive. I still sometimes experienced anxiety during the year, though. Nevertheless, I ended the year on a high note and got straight A’s for the first time in university. I did really well on my assignments and tests. I subsequently made it into the POSt and couldn’t be any happier. I felt optimistic about the future again and couldn’t wait to return to being a full-time student. It was the first time I was happy at school since grade 12. I actually felt I was good enough! It was an amazing feeling.

If you need to take some time off school for any reason, including working on your mental health and well-being, then don’t be afraid to go for it. University is not a race and it never has been. If you need to take three or four courses a semester instead of five, that’s fine too. It doesn’t hurt to be part-time either. Do whatever works for you. For me, doing a part-time year during my undergrad (partly due to mental health) made me a stronger and more confident person. It’s very important that you focus on yourself.

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