Every hour of every day our minds are flooded with millions of thoughts, urges, and ideas about everything. Not only are we constantly experiencing a torrential influx of information from our environment, we are also busy interpreting this in light of our memories, our immediate goals for the future, and our long-held values about what’s important in life. We ponder the little things like where to buy our coffee in the morning or who to invite over for dinner. We think about more weighty topics like whether to stick with our safe yet uninspiring job or take a risk on something new. We daydream, we analyze , we constantly weigh up options. The human mind is a wonderfully prolific generator of content, but we can’t possibly (thank goodness) act upon every single thought or idea that comes into our head. Those thoughts we do choose to act on, however, shape the future course of our lives on a moment by moment basis. So how do we know the answer to the ever-repeating question of “what next?”
What makes one idea stand out from another in any given moment is the feeling you get when you’re having it. That feeling of desire for something, of wanting or feeling pulled towards it, signals our emotional engagement with the thing in question. This all-important emotional engagement in turn serves to focus our attention, influence our decsion-making process, and guide our behaviour towards the attainment of our desired goal. In other words, desire sets in motion the very process of creation. This may seem obvious, and indeed these processes often take place automatically and below conscious awareness, but it highlights how much feelings matter when it comes to making decisions.
I recently listened to a podcast about a guy who one day closed the doors on his sucessful small-town business, sold his home and moved himself and his young family to the opposite side of the country. He had no idea why, he just had a feeling. More specifically, he had a desire to relocate that he couldn’t explain but which persistently tugged at the corners of his mind until he eventually had to pay attention. His rational mind couldn’t identify any good reason to make this apparently senseless manoeuvre, but he made the leap regardless. Several weeks after moving he serendipitously met his new business partner at a cafe, founded a new and wildly successful endeavour, and (ten years later) was still wondering how he managed to make the best decision of his life based on nothing but an emotionally-laden intuition that told him to follow his desire.
Thankfully most of our desires are less mysterious than this particular gentleman’s, and I’m not suggesting that we should forgo security and trade our old lives in for new ones on a whim. The point here is that this man trusted that his seemingly irrational desire would lead him to where he needed to go next. Things may have turned out right for him for a number of reasons including: a) it was fated, or b) his confidence made him think and act in ways that led to his ultimate success. I don’t think it actually matters for our purposes. What matters here is that desire can provide direction and motivation in a sea of infinite possibilities and, at the very least, it makes you move.
“I didn’t pursue my dreams and I don’t care” is not an oft-heard declaration of the dying. We’ve all heard about regret and the resounding consensus from those who have enjoyed the privelege of a long, fruitful, and enjoyable life is that regret most often comes from the things we didn’t do. Desire, interest, longing…these are important feelings that, rather than forces to be resisted or overcome, actually deserve our attention and respectful consideration. Even if they seem incongruous with previously held goals or expectations about where the day (or life) would lead us, there may be future value in following a desire that we just don’t realise yet.
The word ‘desire’ can sometimes carry connotations of irresponsible urges that ought to be resisted if we are to maintain the moral highground and live a responsible, sensible life. I definitely agree that not every want or desire is a healthy one, but as long as our desires don’t lead us to harm ourselves or others then we should feel free to at least entertain them. In fact, if we live our life according to the should’s and must’s of others rather than moving towards what holds personal appeal and charm, we risk reaching the end of this life feeling unfulfilled, and worse, making little or no contribution. Devotion, drive, committment — you’ve really got to want something badly in order to generate these qualities. The desire to achieve, create, or make things happen is an emotionally charged process that is rarely experienced when we stick to the sensible, the objective, the safe. We need to be deeply moved in order to succeed.
What if I don’t get what I wanted?
To this question a wise friend recently reminded me that even if we take a risk and follow our desires and they don’t lead to our preferred outcome, there are two potential take-aways from the experience. First, it may simply be that we need to refine our strategy and persist with more targeted effort towards the desired goal; secondly, if it really goes pear-shaped, then maybe the benefit lay in learning whatever lesson was embedded in the experience. There are very few actual ‘mistakes’ in this life. I believe this because there are few times when I can say I learnt nothing of value from pursuing something I really wanted, even when it didn’t go my way. The value remained even when that lesson came with considerable discomfort or took some inordinate amount of time to reveal itself. Our preference though, is to identify which desires are in line with our highest values and purpose in life, and to make sure we attain them.
So how do we come to feel a generally consistent sense of trust in our desires and where they might take us? One important part of this process is to use whatever method works for to still your mind. Not to empty it necessarily, but rather to regularly create a state of quiet calm where most of the noise can fade into the background. In stillness we find clarity which can help us avoid the habitual responses that often lead to us reacting to life in a thoughtless and automatic way. Desires which persistently present themselves to us at these times are probably worthy of our attention. Some people get there by listening to music, painting or walking in nature. Some people just like to sit in silence, some use chanting or prayer. I like to meditate. All that matters is that you make time each day for whatever it is that centres you, quietens your mind, and takes you to a place where you feel your thoughts and desires are coming from the best part of your self.
Desire is, in it’s simplest form, the seed of everything we achieve. Whether it be a successful career, a creative masterpiece, or a loving union, desire is the light that shines on where to next and where to after that. By all means, give your desires a once-over with cloth of rationality and common sense. Do not, however, allow the should’s and the shouldnt’s, the must’s and must not’s of your personal, family or societal frameworks to cloud that wonderfully intuitive and wise part of yourself that knows what feels right for you. All progress requires movement, movement requires motivation, and motivation requires desire. Therefore, whether it takes you immediately to where you’re going, or just provides a never-ending source of inspiration for your experimental engagements with every moment of your life, desire is the seed of your next beautiful creation.
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