An open letter to the man I love

Hot and steamy. His body screamed sex — good and mindlessly fucking sex. She put her hand on his chest and rocked her body, only aiming to please. They exchanged their pistol for a rifle for a more precise shot, more intensity, and more adrenaline. They hoped to experiment and find the perfect gun with the right type of bang that suited them both. He flipped her over and pinned her down, grabbed hold of her neck to hold her steady as he cock his gun back. However, tonight was not a bulls-eye. She lay there with sunken pride thinking, “why can’t I get off from him?

She turned him over and went down on him. His thick cock would surly spark some sort of animosity in her to get her riled up. She needed aggression. She fed off of it. She looks down on the magnificent specimen and places one ball in her mouth, just the way she likes. She licked it from the bottom to the top like a melting ice cream cone not to waste any last drop — savoring every inch of the hardened mass. Maybe the spark is gone? Maybe he’s not into the same wild pleasures as I am.

In attempt to reassure her sexual self confidence, she straddle him one last time with rapid pace to get the deed done and stop the embarrassment. 
“Slow down, baby girl”, he said, looking at her lovingly in the dimly lit room. And then it hit her, a serge of sexual arousal and attraction. I love this man.

July 8, 2017. 
On this day I realized I don’t just love you, I’m fully and completely in love with you.

Your room was empty. You had just moved in, but you were stuck in New York unable to organize let alone unpack any of your belongings. We had just come home from bars and my body was still radiating euphoria from the Molly. I’m going to have good sex tonight I thought to myself, but it was much more than that. I lust for you, but that night I fell for you. That weekend, I jumped off a burning bridge, but landed in the safety of your arms.

This isn’t suppose to be one of the corny love blogs where I profess my undying love for you. No, this is a blog to say thank you in the simplest of terms. You are not just the love I had always imaged, you — my boy — are my best friend. You are the comfort I seek, the smile I deserve, and the ration behind my impulse. You are the compassion I need, the worry that keeps me safe, and the strength behind my insecurities. You are me, but the parts of me that I thought I lost.

After my disastrous past, I promised myself I would never give my entire being to someone. If you’ve read my previous blog, you’ll know I still stand by the statement…

“ A relationship isn’t two bodies fulfilling each other’s voids, rather a relationship is two stable and independent individuals working together. Relationships are mutual. They are mutual effort, mutual respect, and mutual responsibility.”

That’s exactly what we are. You are a clumsy, gullible, goofy, devilishly handsome man. You are the boy version of me, but here’s how we differ. You were the finished pie while I was still baking away. You gave me room to be myself and grow as a person in the comfort of your arms. You let me breathe which allowed me to rediscover who I am, yet never strayed too far away when doing so. You allowed me to be my own person, and I allowed you to be yours. You didn’t fill my void with your parts, you helped me find what had gone missing. You helped me believe in myself again just by believing in yourself. You resurrected my belief in my personal beauty with pride in your sense of self. You helped me redefine my self worth by simply loving me. You are the confidence that I lacked that inspired me to do and be better.

When I look at you, I see home. I see my father’s silent humility in your eyes. I hear my mothers pleas when you say, “slow down. Take your time.” I laugh at your goofiness that resembles my brother. When I’m with you, I feel safe and comfortable — a feeling I deluded upon myself in previous relationships. You take me back to my childhood when I aspired to be a writer and when art class was my favorite subject.

Your passion for your future and personal goals is one of the most attractive qualities I have ever come across. Your ability to prioritize comes in close second. But what takes the prize is your sympathy and willingness to be there for not just me but my friends. You care about me as a whole, and caring for my friends is caring for me.

I promised myself I wouldn’t give my all, but for you I stand here 110%. I knew how love felt like, but you showed me how it’s suppose to be. Thank you for being weird. Thank you for being venturous. Thank you for being different.

I love you noogs.