Final Draft

I know who I am.

I know my favorite color is Tiffany Blue
I know that I love popcorn shrimp with ketchup beyond anything in the world I know that previous statement was a lie 
I know I also love Popeye’s biscuits and Mexican rice just as equally.

I know that in times of terror, anger or nervousness, 
I find solace hidden away under the protection of a blanket 
I know that after the series of unfortunate events that occurred with both Logan and B-
I can’t rush into a relationship.

I know that I’m comfortable with who I am
I know that I am intelligent and that I need to apply myself more
I know that my biggest flaw is that I don’t notice the details 
I know that I need to change 
I know that it’s not an option to make my parents proud of me 
I know the sacrifices made to get me here
I know I should take advantage of the opportunities in front of me.

I know that I’m confident in my abilities academically and on the streets 
I know that I am an aggressive flirt
I know that I love sex
I also know that 1 out of 3 people have an STD. 
I know that I’m really kinky. 
I know that I want to be spanked and choked. 
I know that I want to be treated with dignity and respect on the streets, but like a dirty little whore in the sheets 
I know that it’s the only way I get turned on unless I’m in love with you.

I know that I haven’t loved anyone other than B- 
I know that I’m not giving my heart up that easy, especially after Logan 
I know who I am 
I know what I need
I know what I want, 
But I also know what I shouldn’t do.

I knew myself. 
After you came, my entire self perception was shattered
You swooped in and gave me a mouth tingling kiss on my birthday 
I swear that night they shot fireworks in the sky 
I know that I want you
I know that I want you to want me.

Who am I? 
What are the important things in life?
Where is my true source of happiness?
When did I stop being confident and radiant?
Why are my emotions so uncontrollable? 
How do I stop overthinking?

His presence entices me 
Undoubtedly, I am infatuated by him 
I lust for him 
I believe we have really great chemistry
I know that I can confide in him
I haven’t confided in him in a little over two years 
Every Spring that we reconnect, 
He changes in small doses, 
Those small changes accumulate.

He’s changed 
He’s more confident
He’s more comfortable with his sense of self being 
He’s more stand-offish
It’s all incredibly attractive yet highly intimidating 
I’m more submissive around him
I know I don’t like it.

He’s changed
He’s not done changing
He’s going to do big things one day
I can only assume his feelings for me have changed too
He’s more distant
An old friend with a new haircut
I want him, but I am not looking for a chase.

I know who I am
I know I don’t need a man to establish my sense of self worth
I know that I deserve a man that knows what he wants
I know that if he wants me the same way I want him, he’ll put forth the effort 
I know that if he doesn’t, that doesn’t make me any less worthy
I know that I should never settle.

Today on this day, I am proud to say that I know myself.