My precious gem

It was our first year at UVa where I first met you. From the corner of my eye, I saw a dashing young man worthy enough for me to take notice. I turned around, and with aligning circumstances you unexpectedly fell into my line of sight. Out of fear, I jumped and darted away like Shaggy or Scooby when they see a monster turn the corner. I couldn’t be doing this. I couldn’t be infatuated by you because I had a boyfriend, but look where we are now.

My precious gem

That’s what you call me. That’s what you say lovingly into my eyes with your soft and broad smile that makes my heart melt. You polish and shine me every day…

“Good morning, gorgeous”
“Hey, that’s a new shirt. It looks good on you”
“Your hair is beautiful and perfect”
“I told you, you look great in flannels”
“I’ll never give up on you”
“You’re 65% confident on your exam? Great so you go a 90”
“You’re incredible baby”
“You’re gifted. You simply don’t realize it”
“Your presence lights up the room”
“Save your money babe, I’ll eat something at home”
“Good night, beautiful. I love you so much”

… and that’s just the start of it all. It’s not just words of affirmation it’s the little things you do for me like…

Washing my work clothes for me
Making sure I don’t fall asleep because I need to study
Filling up my tank when my car is nearly empty
Resisting the idea of me walking alone at night
Sneaking pepper spray into my bag
Filling my water bottle up with fresh and cold water because you know how much I love water
Hand picking out white gummy bears into a separate bag because you know they’re my favorite
Kissing my cheek and hand every second you get
Making sure I’m never cold

… and so much more. 
Each and every day you make sure I sparkle and be the best I can be. I’m not the best and you too have your flaws, but together we try to be the best we can be for each other. You listen to me even when I don’t speak. You read my reactions despite my contradicting words. You understand me and help me be better and you’re right, I am terrified to commit.

I think of the worst to come. I worry that I’m not good enough not just for life but for you. I’m scared I’ll run you to the ground and break your heart. I’m terrified I’ll hurt you because I’m terrified to commit, but not anymore. 
My boy, you’ve proven time and time again that no matter what happens you’ll always be there to catch me when I fall. When I push you as far back as I can, you always sprint and catch me just in time. It never hit me until now. You are so patient with me, and even when I’m wrong (and when I know I’m wrong) you let me be right. This is how I know you love me. This is why I need to show you I love you. I need to let you sparkle.

My sturdy rock

You are infinitely kind. You have the warmest embrace and the most infectious smile. You’re happiness radiates. When you laugh, your whole body laughs — it’s contagious.

You have a wicked sense of fashion and music. You make everyone feel welcome. You are caring and thoughtful. You’re sensitive. You can throw a good diss and occasionally a good pun. You’re creative and artistic. You’re hands work magic on a computer.

You have eyes on the future and the endless possibilities to come. You are driven and are the change the world is waiting for. I see the passion in your eyes. Your dream bubble is so big, everyone can see through the window. You have ideas that break barriers, and you are easily the most intelligent man that I’ve had the greatest pleasure of falling in love with. Be great and strive.

Loving you is easy. Pushing you is hard. It’s hard to tell the hard line in the sand — my boundary and what’s okay and not okay. Here’s the thing. I want you in my life. I want you for a very long time, but that doesn’t mean we aren’t two separate people. You have your life and I have mine, so when is and when is it not a good time to impose my opinions on yours?