What I Learned About My Period in Catholic School…
I got my period last week. I got my period between 9am & 10am on a Tuesday morning and by 11am I had already bled through my tampon. By 3pm I had bled through two pads.
I was dizzy. I was in pain. But I had a film festival to go to, so I left to go to the event after my roommate lent me some Midol.
By 6pm I had to replace my third pad of the day and by 9pm, I had bled through that fourth pad, underwear, and brand new pants at an event I had been so eager to attend. (We won the Audience Choice Award by the way!)
When I got home that night, I slowly undressed in the bathroom, shaking. I turned on the water in the bathtub and sat in it as it filled up. I carefully washed the dried blood off of my pubic hair. Then I hugged my legs into my body and cried.
This is the reality of me getting my period and I’m luckier than a lot of other women. This isn’t the first time this has happened, but it’s the first time it has happened to this extreme since I’ve started taking birth control.
I know that was a pretty graphic opening and that it might have made some people uncomfortable. It makes me uncomfortable sharing about it, but getting my period is hard and it’s hard for a lot of women every month. So, let’s go on a journey together in this post to talk about the reality of a woman’s period.
When I was 18, I went to an OBGYN for the first time and was prescribed the pill so that the debilitating pain, heavy flow, and dizzy spells I experienced during my period did not continue. I have been on birth control for six years with a lot of success. Unfortunately, this month, a number of events led to me not being able to refill my prescription.
The reality of birth control is that it does not simply prevent pregnancy, but it helps women like me who get periods that cause them to get so dizzy they fear they may faint on the subway, in class, or in Church.
However, the Catholic Church argues that birth control is not a solution to a problem like this one. When I was first prescribed birth control, my Dad was working at a Catholic company and it wasn’t covered on our family insurance plan. I had to pay for my prescription every month until we switched to the family plan offered by the company my Mom works for.
Things have been great since I’ve been on birth control and I’ve worked with my doctor to find a pill that works for me and my body, adjusting my prescription if and when needed.
I wasn’t always so confident when talking about my period, though. When I was in Catholic High School, we had to take one religion class every year. Sophomore year our class was on Relationships & Sexuality. I distinctly remember a class where our teacher spoke to us about rape.
The class discussion focused on purity, virginity, and the sacrament of marriage being the only time that sex should occur. The young men were fairly taught that rape is morally wrong and should never be acted upon, but the consensus was that all men obviously know this: rape is wrong, they get it. They did not get into the specifics of consent, harassment, sexual assault, date rape, etc. In fact, rape was spoken about as something that only happens in a stranger/attacker situation.
The young women were encouraged to remain sober, make good choices, and a number of “effective” defense mechanisms. One of these defense mechanisms being “tell your attacker that you have your period. He’ll probably think it’s so gross he won’t want to rape you.”
This was said in a classroom full of 15 & 16 year-old boys and girls. The lesson from our teacher (a straight white male over the age of 65) was not that rape is abhorrent, it was that periods are so disgusting even a rapist wouldn’t go near them.
Every girl in the class became embarrassed because something that naturally occurs in their bodies was suddenly a defense mechanism against rape. The boys snickered because, having been taught little to nothing about the female body, their feelings that a woman’s period is disgusting were now validated and they were empowered in their silent, private shaming amongst themselves. The sad thing is that I didn’t view this as misplaced or wrong, this is the world I grew up in and I wasn’t taught much else in pop culture, television, or school.
So, my period was now something to be ashamed of. I had to be on my best behavior during the most painful and disruptive time of every month (or so) because I didn’t want to be pegged as the girl who is “crazy” on her period. Discussing periods in this way caused me to believe that my body was disgusting. I believed I was being whispered about and that a natural affect of my biology was shameful.
Beyond the period shaming inherent in Catholic Institutions, as a young woman, discussing rape in this way invalidated all of my feelings that I was harassed or sexualized without my consent. It caused me to believe that my sexual assault was my fault and that I was “asking for it,” that I wasn’t “careful enough,” and that it was my fault for choosing to have sex before marriage in the first place — he knew I was easy.
The catcalls and looks on the streets of NYC have become normal to me. My first thought is always, “how can I defend myself?” Somehow having my period brought me a slight amount of relief when I first moved here, but I quickly realized that, being dizzy and in pain, made me weaker and a much easier target when on my period. Now: I always call people when I’m walking alone, I always walk on busy streets, and I never try to get home alone on the subway past midnight.
This is rape culture. This is purity culture. This is how the Catholic Church and, by extension, American society views women and their bodies.
I am usually ashamed of my period. I am ashamed that I cannot move or almost faint sometimes because of it. I know that no one will find me desirable or attractive during that time because of what I was taught in high school. On top of that, because my period is irregular and heavy, I am not only disgusting but dysfunctional because I can’t predict when it will happen unless I go on birth control. If I go on birth control, I’m actively defying the natural order of things (according to Catholic teaching). If I don’t go on birth control, I will not be able to advance in my career because I’ll have to take 3–6 random days off every month, no matter what is scheduled for the day.
This is what it looks like when a male-dominated institution tries to police women’s bodies. This is what it looks like when women aren’t a part of the conversation on reproductive education. This is what a Catholic High School lesson on rape looks like and turns into: period shaming.
I’m sure this post has made some, if not many, uncomfortable. Graphically sharing details about my period isn’t something I ordinarily do, but made a conscious decision about for this post.
As women, we need to change the narrative around periods to ensure they are discussed actively and accurately. Encourage our children who get periods to talk about them, and educate our children who don’t about them. Be fearless in talking about our individual bodies and why birth control works for us or might not work for us.
Delve into the the nuances of sexual assault beyond being raped by a stranger, but only if we are comfortable doing so. Train educators and administrators to provide a more wholistic, extensive education about sex and sexuality where the responsibility for rape prevention isn’t placed solely on women.
Thank you for sharing in my vulnerability and thank you for sharing your time with me. If you have anything you want to share about your experiences in school with menstruation and/or sexual assault education, leave a comment or reach out directly, and I’d be happy to talk to you about it!
Monica Arsenault is a Brooklyn-based director and producer whose work addresses issues at the intersection of faith womanhood, and sexuality. Her work has been internationally recognized at over 20 different film festivals. Her ultimate goal is to make a global impact helping women and people from marginalized communities step into the spotlight by highlighting issues that directly affect them, even if it makes others uncomfortable. Monica is constantly seeking new projects and would love to connect with you at monicaarsenault.com.
