One of those long posts
When you’re the first girl to climb to the top of the rope in PE class and you love the attention so much that you slide down and burn the skin off your hands.
When you couldn’t reach the top of the storage cabinet and this tall dude in class grabs the construction paper for you.
When the tall dude becomes your first boyfriend, but you’re too awkward to actually make eye contact, so you ignore each other… forever.
When your parents are too frugal to buy you a Razr…
… so you settle for the Firefly phone.
Makes you think about the time your mom forgot to pick you up from school, and you were the last kid there.
And the time when your mom did show up to school, to bring you a change of clothes after it rained unexpectedly, but your teacher wouldn’t let her come into the classroom.
When you realized your mom couldn’t speak perfect English.
And that she would never be as cool as the other kids’ parents.
When you realized all your friends from the first grade are still friends with each other and now you’re kind of alone.
When you feel out of place and just want to drop out of school but you’re in the freakin’ second grade are you kidding me you’re such a stupid kid.
When you’re crying in your mom’s lap wondering why you don’t have any friends and your dad asks you if he should go talk to the principal.
When you fear confrontation more than anything in the world and suddenly you’re no longer crying because you’re sad but because you’re scared.
When you realize you don’t dress like other girls. That you hate the color pink and it makes you feel weak. When you go to Kohl’s and you prefer to shop in the boy’s section and your mom lets you but wishes you would be more feminine.
When you went to Limited Too and got yourself a mini-skirt, only to wear it once because someone said your thighs were too fat. (When you look back 9 years later and you think, “what the fuck was wrong with my self-esteem?”)
(When you want to add more pictures to this post but they would just look tacky and you’re lowkey lazy so hopefully this doesn’t kill the mood.)
(When you try to continue with the post but now you can’t help but think how dramatic you are but hey this stuff actually happened and it’s important to you, so yeah.)
When your uncle made gravy for Thanksgiving and it tastes like shit so you run to the bathroom to spit it out.
When he asks you how it was, and for some reason, you weren’t capable of lying, so you started to cry and ‘fessed up.
When you had a crush on this boy, and the only way you knew how to express your feelings was by comparing his hair to a popular anime character.
When you finally got his AIM handle a few years later, and now you’ve picked up photography to impress him, but you only know how to shoot auto.
When you look back at the pictures you took, and think, “wow, that was terrible” but remember how he complimented you anyway.
When nothing came out of that relationship eight years ago, but what about now?
When you break up with your first boyfriend via text and he sends you back a long-ass letter, but your phone can only handle so many characters on one page, so you get his text in like 30 messages.
When you realized that no one ever commented on how beautiful you are on your Myspace pictures. When you asked your own mother if she thought you were pretty and she said that you’re cute.
The time you went around asking your friends if they considered you to be “funny”.
The time you struggled to be anything.
When your body decided to stop growing at 5'1" and holy shit you’re shorter than a parking meter and like 50% of counters.
When someone finally remembered your birthday (even though Facebook had to remind them.) But it didn’t matter because you’ve never felt so loved before because everyone at summer camp sang you “Happy Birthday”. When you broke down crying inside a single dorm room in UC Santa Barbara because you were just so happy.
When you tell your “mentor” that you don’t feel confident as a leader because you’re too quiet and soft-spoken. When he tells you that you don’t have to be an extrovert to be a good camp counselor. For some reason, this piece of information changed your life.
When you have difficulty talking about anything that happened after high school because then your college friends who are reading this will probably know exactly what you’re talking about and you’re not quite ready for that yet.
When you’re up at 3:26 AM and you have to be in SF in less than 5 hours, but you can’t help but feel sappy all of a sudden.
(When you’re still typing even though you said you would stop but I guess you just really need to get this stuff off your chest.)
(When most people probably stopped reading because this is dragging on too long.)
When you thought alcohol would solve your problems so you drank a can of beer after you failed your first CS midterm, but little did you know, that was the first of many fails to come :)
When you’re no longer anxious about tests because something changed that you can’t quite put your finger on.
When one of the happiest moments of your life happened last Wednesday (before your Math 55 midterm, which you did not study for at all) when you went out in the pouring rain to play soccer with friends.
When you’re waiting for the BART to arrive and you wonder, what if someone as crazy as Frank Underwood is standing right beside me?
When you take several steps back to ensure your safety.
And realize how precious life is.
And how every moment leading up to now was beautiful in its own peculiar way.