The App That Kept Me Sober in 2023

The opposite of addiction is connection. I’ll never be able to explain why or how this is the case, but it is 100% the case, and there are studies proving it.

Annie Grace, the author of This Naked Mind, shared on her podcast years ago about an experiment where they gave rats an addictive drug.

In one group, the rats were in isolation with the drug, and in the other group, the rats were together.

In the group where the rats were together, they did the addictive drug less than the rats in isolation.

There was something about being together that reduced the rats’ level of addiction.

Here’s how staying connected with people through non-traditional ways, like a mobile app, helped me stay sober in 2023 (and still does).

Struggling to Stay Sober in the First 30 Days

Ten days into my alcohol-free journey, the only thing that kept me sober was watching motivational sobriety Reels on Instagram. I was white-knuckling it, and it was awful.

I’d wake up, feel like shit, and go straight to Instagram for sobriety motivation. And if no new content was posted, I had to figure out some other way to stay motivated.

Everything changed when I found an app called Reframe.

I found it by accident, looking for an app to track my alcohol-free days. I needed something to keep me motivated because I felt so isolated in what I was feeling.

At the time, I had zero idea what kind of resources existed for people who quit drinking — other than AA — which I’m sure is on purpose.

Right now, the blindfold is still securely fastened over our eyes about what alcohol is and does to us. You won’t find billboards about the dangers of drinking like you do cigarettes — at least not yet. Because the world is not a friend to your sobriety — it will not encourage you to stay the course — you have to intentionally look for the resources to help you, but luckily, they do exist!

So when I searched the App Store for sobriety tracker apps, I didn’t expect to find something helpful. I just wanted a tracker. The first 2–3 I downloaded were simple enough and did the job.

The fourth one I downloaded was Reframe. And I was instantly turned off by the title of it because it claimed to help you drink less.

Drink less? I wanted to STOP drinking, not drink LESS. Why would there be an app to help you drink LESS? Wasn’t the goal to help people STOP drinking?

In those early days, everything annoyed me, so this pessimism and angst was pretty common for me. But I downloaded the app anyway (thank God feelings aren’t fact), and let’s just say it changed my whole dang life.

Reframe: The App That Kept Me Sober (And Keeps Me That Way)

The first thing I noticed about the Reframe app was that it asked me a ton of questions about myself before I got started.

I remember thinking: this is a ton of questions, what am I getting myself into? All I wanted was a simple sobriety tracker app! Was this some kind of service? Also, what was the cost?

But I was curious, and that’s what kept me going initially. And one question helped me realize I was in the right place: did I want to cut back on alcohol or quit altogether?

I was so relieved that quitting was an option on Reframe! Because on some weird level, I knew that was what I needed to do. Even though I didn’t think I could. In fact, my brain was like “There’s no way you’re going to quit drinking, but it’s cute that you’re trying, so we’ll allow it.”

But that’s when I started to feel like I was in the right place. Reframe put me on a personal “alcohol-free track” based on my preferences, and I was ready to go all in. I was ready to challenge myself in a way that I’d never done before. Break the mold! Do something different! (There IS a “cut-back track” if you just want to cut back on drinking, though.)

So once I’d answered the questions and got my personal “quit drinking track”, I realized that it was similar to other health apps like Noom (a weight loss app) in that every day there were tasks to complete: reading, meditating, etc.

It was more of an educational tool, which was great because as a recently sober person, there was nothing else to do but think about drinking and not drinking. So this gave me something to do each day that didn’t involve spiraling out of control in my head.

And while I wasn’t impressed with the prettiness of the sobriety counter in the app, I realized I had stumbled upon something really cool and helpful.

But that was just the beginning.

Sharing on My First Reframe Meeting with 200+ People

The educational aspect of Reframe was cool…

…but you know what else was cool?

The forum. This is where people could share feelings, check in, or just spread joy, and this was THE coolest thing ever.

I didn’t realize it at the time, but that early on in my alcohol-free journey, all I wanted to do was talk about it. Talk about how I was feeling and hear what other people were feeling.

And this forum gave me the outlet I needed, without me realizing I needed it. I started scrolling through the posts, reading how many days people were alcohol-free, how people had slipped up, and how happy or depressed they were, and it all made sense to me because I was feeling everything too.

It took me a few days of reading the forum posts to finally start posting. But when I did, it became a weekly if not daily habit for me. I would post how many alcohol-free days I had and how hard some days were, especially the holidays and big events (St. Patrick’s Day, Super Bowl).

And I was always supported. There was always someone online to let me know they were with me, that I could do this, that I wasn’t alone.

And to top it all off…there were live group meetings with coaches on Zoom — multiple each day!

At first, I was very put off by this. Was this like AA? Was I supposed to jump on a call and claim to be an alcoholic? I felt like Sandra Bullock in 28 Days, and the whole thing just turned me off.

But one day, I decided to listen in.

They had a 12pm PT meeting for people who were on the “no alcohol” track, and I thought, what the hell. I won’t show my face. I won’t go on camera. I’ll just tune in and listen.

At first, it was exactly as I’d pictured it.

People would call in and talk about how sober they were, and how hard things were.

I didn’t feel a connection. I couldn’t relate because I felt like I didn’t have “a problem”, and I felt like you needed one to be there. (Such limited thinking that I now realize was injected into me by movies, TV shows, and society in general.)

But then I had my first hard day.

I remember it was lunchtime, and I was feeling like shit. And I thought, you know what, I’ll just listen in again because I’m really having a tough time with this alcohol-free thing. It’s all I can think about, and I just want to be near people who are in the same boat as me.

So I jumped on a Tuesday meeting, and the most remarkable thing happened: I SHARED! On video!

I didn’t even PLAN on it. I had no makeup, hair was a mess, but it happened.

It was all because of the coach for that meeting, Jay Chase. He is the most understanding, compassionate, and inspiring coach I have ever had the privilege of listening to.

Not only was everyone giving him love on the video and in the chat, but he was so passionate about everyone just being together, doing the best they could, and dropping such great advice, that I felt COMPELLED to talk to this man and share what I was going through.

So in a virtual Zoom meeting with 200+ people from all over the world, I jumped on video and shared.

I had kind of planned what I was going to say, but in the moment, I just babbled. I remember sharing how many alcohol-free days I had, and maybe I blacked out because I don’t remember what else I shared. I feel like I rambled about a bunch of different things. But at the end of it, I was so glad I did it, and I was ready to do it again.

From that day on, every day at 12pm PT, I joined the alcohol-free meeting. I wouldn’t share every day, but I would put it on during my lunch hour and listen, just to feel a connection. This is where I realized there was something about connecting with people that motivated me to stay sober in ways I will never understand.

The Opposite of Addiction is Connection — And Other Things Reframe Taught Me

I learned so much from these virtual meetings, not just from the coaches, but from how the meeting participants were keeping it all together.

I heard from people who were 500+ days alcohol-free and 5 days alcohol-free.

I heard from people who were at their lowest and their highest.

I heard from people who cried about how happy they were because they were finally clear-headed and present enough to be with their children.

I heard about people who were struggling not to drink after being laid off and broken up with right before their birthday.

I heard about people who were dealing with teenagers they couldn’t connect with, mothers they had to take care of, and husbands who wouldn’t support their alcohol-free journeys.

At the end of the day, these people gave me the one thing I didn’t realize I had been craving: connection.

Even if I didn’t share, even if I didn’t relate to the shares or the circumstances in the meeting, the one thing that mattered was that we were all in it together.

Everyone cheered everyone on. The coaches gave magnificent advice and feedback and everyone held space for each other.

It was in these meetings that I learned that the opposite of addiction is connection.

As my alcohol-free days piled up, I went to the app every single day. I sat in on the meetings, checked in each day in the forum, and also did the daily educational tasks.

One of the biggest things that gave me the motivation to stay sober was that they had special meetings for people who had more alcohol-free days. They had a 90 days+ meeting for people who were 90+ days alcohol-free, and they had a 6 months+ meeting for people who had more than 6 months under their belt.

I LOVED this about Reframe because they went out of their way to support people who were at different places in their journeys.

Early on, my goal was to make it to 90 days so I could share in the 90-day+ meeting (which was hosted by Jay Chase). THEN my next goal was to share at the 6 months+ meeting (also hosted by Jay Chase). So even though my journey was hard, I always had a goal to meet so I could go to that next level of sobriety in Reframe.

But Wait, There’s More…

I wish I could say that that was it — that was everything Reframe provided. But no, it doesn’t stop there.

Reframe also has courses inside of the app to learn about a host of different mental health issues like panic disorder, anxiety, depression, etc. They have meditations, tapping sessions, just…SO MUCH.

You could spend all day in the app learning and growing. You could go to ALL the meetings every day (there are multiple, at least 3 every day). They cater to all different time zones, from 6am PT to 6pm PT. They huddle on holidays and weekends, too!

(If you’re wondering about cost, it’s free for 30 days, then $24.99 a month. In my opinion, more than worth it.)

I really can’t say enough about this app. I consider the people in the group meetings, in the forum, and the coaches, to be my “Reframe Fam” or “ReFam” as it’s called there.

I think of my ReFam every time I’m in a situation that sucks (like at a bar or at an event where I want a drink). I have learned so much from them, just listening to the meetings. I have an entire journal of tidbits that I’ve written down from every meeting I attend.

One particularly powerful thing I learned from Static, one of the coaches in the meetings, is that not every event is a drinking event. And that the event (like a wedding, a graduation party, etc.) can still exist, even without the alcohol.

Another really pivotal thing I learned from one of Jay’s meetings was that the quickest way to spoil a moment is with a drink and that a celebration is never a reason to drink. Alcohol is not a celebration.

I tell everyone to go to Reframe when they tell me they are thinking of cutting back. There’s zero judgment, just support, education, and love. And connection. That’s the most important thing.

Using Reframe During My Second Year Sober

Now that I’m nearly 400 days alcohol-free, and entering (wholeheartedly) my second year sober, I don’t need the app on a daily basis anymore, but I do need it every week. I still attend the 12pm PT meetings Tuesday through Thursday and check in on the forums every other day or so to share and see how my ReFam is doing.

I love offering support to the community, and I still complete my daily tasks every once in a while. There’s always something to learn and always someone to help, and I don’t see myself ever leaving the app as long as it exists.

One thing I’ve learned throughout this journey (the millionth thing) is that you can’t walk around like you’re ‘recovered’. Or like you’re ‘over it’ just because you have a lot of alcohol-free days under your belt.

The devil makes work for idle hands.

If you’re not constantly putting in the work to learn about sobriety, the triggers, the cravings, etc., the beast will get you. (Or at least I know it will get me.) And by that I just mean, I always want to be strong in my decision to say no. I don’t want to be vulnerable to the grip of alcohol. And constantly putting in the work to understand its hold on us (physically, emotionally, mentally) helps with that.

The day I decide that I don’t need more education or help is the day I might as well go back to hell. My feeling is, you have to do something for your sobriety every day. Whether it’s listening to 5 minutes of a podcast, showing up for 10 minutes at a virtual meeting, reading 2 pages of a book, whatever. You need to feed the good wolf inside of you so you can build your foundation on a rock. (To quote Jesus😊.)

The day you stop learning is the day you give yourself over to the dark side because then you have no defenses. You have nothing to keep you up. It’s like saying you’re not going to shower anymore because you had a really good shower five days ago. The stink comes back. And you have to be ready for it.