No More Babies In Exchange For No More Pain

Monise L Seward
Jul 20, 2017 · 3 min read

Today, I am 42 years old. God willing, I’ll see my 43rd birthday in 14 days.

Today, I am the mother of of three children, ages 22, 16, and 13.

Today, I had to look my gynecologist in the face and tell her: “I’m a single parent; I’m not dating anyone so I guess I’m not having anymore kids.” I didn’t realize the weight of that statement until I had to barter my ability to (safely) have more kids for relief from periods that have gotten progressively worse over the past few years.

It’s amazing, the things we’re willing to discuss through social media with complete strangers. Sometimes we (I) will tweet things, as though I’m talking to myself; sometimes I even answer myself. Others prefer not to have people respond with suggestions and that’s certainly their prerogative. I don’t mind the suggestions because I know most people are genuinely concerned and want to help in any way possible. So when I asked for feedback on experiences with mammograms, Twitter delivered. I’m grateful for those who took the time to respond and send reassuring messages before my appointment.

When my day arrived, it didn’t quite go as I imagined: I ended-up tweeting about my fainting spell after my first mammogram. I know, I know…you all probably thought I was tougher than that, right? Sh*t, I did too! In my defense, I have naturally low blood pressure, I didn’t eat beforehand (because I knew they weren’t going to draw blood) and I was nervous as hell. I mean, you stand in a cold room, wearing a thin cape, in front of this huge machine…waiting for the mammogram technician to squeeze and smoosh your breasts onto a machine that further squeezes and smooshes your breasts. And there’s no dinner or drinks beforehand. At least I made it through the ordeal and fainted at the end. Thank God for small victories.

Today was different: I had to deal with another inescapable perk of being a woman (yes, I’m being sarcastic to stave off the tears). I returned to my doctor’s office to discuss results from a biopsy she performed 2 weeks ago. No, I didn’t faint...even though I would have been justified because there was no numbing /anesthesia involved. Today my doctor, who I really like and appreciate for her bedside manner, told me she wants to me to have some relief from heavy periods….she’s concerned about my low iron. The procedures she discussed with me, Endometrial Ablation (NovaSure) and a hysteroscopy, will provide relief; the trade-off is that I absolutely cannot get pregnant again. That reality hit me like a ton of bricks. I mean, it’s one thing to say “I don’t think I want to have more kids” but completely different to accept that fate in exchange for some relief from the very biological function that makes having a child possible. The irony.

Fortunately, the Endometrial Ablation and hysteroscopy aren’t time sensitive; the surgeon’s schedule is full so I can expect to have both procedures done in late August / early September. Even better: There are no signs of fibroids or cancer. Two fewer worries for my already-overburdened mind. I’ll be spending the next few weeks reading as much as I can (stand) so I will know what to expect and make sure I ask questions when I meet with the surgeon.

I have answers. I have medical insurance. I have a great doctor. I have three amazing kids. None of those things make this decision any easier.

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Monise L Seward

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I only write when I have something important to say. Everything else will be tweeted from @MoniseLSeward

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