Day 25-oof

I’d woken up, again, feeling like a sack of bricks. Had to go back and nap before i left for work. Missed my morning run. I’m behind on training and that sucks. Managed to shower today, so that was good. Grabbed coffee and a brownie. Maybe that’s what did it, halfway through the coffee I was flying. I’d also been planning the meals of the vacation and checking to see if prices had changed. They hadn’t. But maybe doing something hopeful instead of spending that time looking at the crappy news was a good thing. Really felt good most of the day, happy even. Definitely jazzed.

I honestly can’t wait to go to disneyworld. I love it there. And I know that it’s probably not so healthy to ignore what’s going on right now, and fantasize about a vacation. And I’m sure that I could spend more time contemplating holocaust remembrance day and reading the tweets about the SS St. Louis and all of the jews who had arrived in America from Germany, only to be turned away and sent back. Nearly a third of whom were killed. I should probably think about how little has changed in neraly 80 years. How our stupid country wants to turn away refugees again, sending them most likely back to their deaths.

It might be a better use of my time to think about how dumb nationalism is, and how it hasn’t ever accomplished anything good. How we’re marching closer to war, and how pathetic it is that we haven’t moved past petty tribalisms. Atheists like to blame religion for wars, and in part that is true. But really it’s us vs them. If it wasn’t religion, it would be something else. Like nationalism, for instance, which has started plenty of wars since it was invented. And for what, to proclaim the greatness of the ground one was born on?

It’s weird to me that people don’t realize that we’re all sitting on the same dumb rock and the more we fuck it up, the worse everyone’s life is. That if we don’t work together, we’re doomed. We literally have had the ability to destroy most life on this planet for the last 70 years, and somehow we haven’t done it. It was starting to feel like we could actually exist in a world that had invented the H-bomb. That maybe that’s what we had needed to do to bring us all together. Maybe the fear of mutual destruction would be the catalyst for global peace.

I’d forgotten that we’re humans. Dumb little animals that think we’re way smarter than we are. We believe that we have some sort of control, and that consciousness makes us better than the rest. But we’re short-sited, and dumb. And we make the same mistakes over and over again, yet we think that each generation is unique. We think that we, as individuals, are special.

We’re not. And without recognizing that, we cause great peril in the world. Without the humility to see how there is so little we understand, that we, at any given moment, might be horrifically wrong. We buy into our own bullshit. It smells like us, so it’s familiar, i guess.

So yeah, I’m going to concentrate on my vacation and my family right now. It seems to be helping my mood.