Day 56

Parenting truths:

  1. A toddler will sleep perpendicular to the length of the bed, especially if he is sharing the bed with others.
  2. A toddler will make sure to have his feet as close to his daddy’s head as he can.
  3. A toddler, while sleeping, will kick his daddy in the face at random intervals so said daddy cannot get prepared for when the next kick will come.
  4. A daddy will not mind being kicked so long as the kicks are not at his nose, or his windpipe.
  5. A toddler will make sure to find his nose and windpipe to make sure a daddy cannot sleep well.
  6. A daddy, in the middle of the night, will think about sleeping in a goalie’s mask so as to protect his nose from being broken, and his windpipe from being crushed.
  7. A mommy will try to readjust a toddlers feet so they are not in a daddy’s face.
  8. A mommy will not realize how this is futile and is a waste of energy.
  9. A daddy will move closer and closer to the edge of the bed as if that will save him from kicks.
  10. A daddy, upon realizing he’s about to fall out of the bed, will learn that laying with his feet to the head of the bed will prevent kicks to the windpipe.
  11. The next night, upon hearing a toddler cry in the next room, a daddy will bring him into the bed and forget all of the lessons he’d learned the night before.
  12. A daddy isn’t smart.
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