I keep starting this post and stopping. and deleting and rewriting and hating it all. I’m not clear. I can’t communicate right now. I’m depressed. The experts: the wife and shrink, think that I’m just crashing because there has been too much going on the last few months to get…
A decent night’s sleep. I feel human today. But still on the edge. Wasn’t able to run. The toddler is being really toddlery today. Right now he’s telling the wife she can’t brush her teeth. The degree to which this kid thinks he can control other is astounding. Dear toddler boy, mommy is already brushing her teeth. You can not will this event out of existence.
Day 77 — because counting isn’t my strong suit
Let’s pretend i’m not a statistician who works with numbers all day. Let’s pretend i’m just your regular guy who hasn’t slept in 3 days. Let’s pretend that’s why my post counts are off. Like i tell the boy, it’s good to use your imagination. Please pray for me, that the boy feels better tonight and gets sleep. I mean, sure, pray for him too, but he’s on the mend. I’m falling apart. The wife is falling apart too. We can’t go this long without sleep.
Another day with a sick child. I’m increasingly sad. He seems to be improving, but also not. No fever today, that is good. It’s frustrating when the diagnosis is “some virus.” We want to be able to intervene. To make things better. And believe that it’s 2017, should be able to diagnose things better. Obviously i know how complicated these things are, but it doesn’t change what i want. My mother keeps asking: what did the doctor say?
sick toddlers are exhausting. i love him so much and i hate seeing him suffer. i can’t wait for him to feel better, though, i need rest. last night we were kind of terrified by his fever. it wasn’t coming down and it was a little scary. it got more u deer control by bedtime and he seemed happy. by the time the wife and i went to sleep,we could hear him singing from the other room. not sure if he was awake, but it was hilarious. just signing the days of the week in english and spanish. immediately we relaxed and we’re able to sleep.