Imagine this scenario, it’s a Saturday afternoon and you are bored and hungry. You turn on the TV and flip the channel to Food Network. Eating is something you enjoy, so you expect this channel will show you a variety of ways to prepare food, and suggest to you flavors you've never imagined before.

Immediately, you realize this wasn’t what you were looking for, but you decide to give it a chance anyway. The first show depicts sweaty men with wooden spears standing in a circle around a goat, all of them stabbing and slaughtering a lone boar. Their muscles ripple with strain and effort, and no one smiles, their expressions remain grim even when they feast on the raw, bloody corpse. The host explains that the animals are breed for this purpose. What you thought was a look of fear and pain was their acceptance of their destiny. They are being put in their place, you see, they are fulfilling their role.

The next show is mostly the same, but there is no hunt, the animal is already bound to a stake. The one after that offers no context at all, it’s just a compilation of short sequences where men are drinking milk or trying to, at least, because most of the time it dribbles out of their mouths and down their chins.

After the show, a commercial advertises a restaurant that doesn't follow health safety laws, because latex gloves interfere with the optimal cooking of food. The second commercial suggests you watch a show about men who live in poverty, and their only option for income is working in a meat processing plant. They'll be ask if their parents and girlfriends know their situation, in an opening interview only lasts a minute. The rest of the time you'll get to see them making meat slime destined for chicken nuggets.

You do some research, since this isn't what you expected at all. The shows you wanted to watch can be found, you learn, some during Vintage Hour, it just isn't marketed as heavily, because it’s not as popular. The networks are just responding to market demand, that’s all. It’s not their place to consider animal rights, or the ethics of the food industry.

You tune in for Vintage Hour, but are disappointed that it’s not high definition, it’s just grainy re-runs of shows from yesteryear. Most of them are bootlegs, from a time when cooking shows were made underground and exchanged on VHS. You haven't run out of options yet though, your research also pointed the way to Teen Hour, which they assure you is intended for all-ages.

Teen Hour is great. The kids are playing, they are laughing, they are enjoying themselves. They are making simple cookies from a simple recipe. You wonder if they'll enjoy cooking in the same way when they grow up. You feel a little guilty though, like a voyeur. Maybe you are too old to watch this show? Maybe your preference in cooking shows is immature?

At the commercial break, your question is answered, there’s a new show called Food School, it’s coming up next. The preview says the teens are going to learn how to hunt, butcher and cook like real men. Mistakes will be punished, unquestioning obedience will be rewarded. You wonder if another channel has a show where they fumble together in awkward attempts to learn French cuisine instead. You really hope so.

This is how I feel when I watch gay porn.