The one lesson that took me ages to learn…
People will tell you many things about who they are or who they think they are. Please don’t get fooled by their words. Whether they are sincere or not, you can’t rely on words to inform you on such important matters.
You have to observe these persons’ actions, for they speak a thousand words. Now, words can sometimes point you to the direction of what needs to be observed. If someone tells you “I don’t deserve you, I am so selfish”, don’t dismiss it right away (“Oh no, you’re not, you’re just being too harsh on yourself”). Pay attention to this person’s actions instead. They will inevitably give you the clues you need.
So when people show you who they are, believe in what you are being shown. Believe it now, not after the 100th occurrence.
Don’t make excuses for these persons’ behavior. Don’t think you will ever be able to change them neither. Trust what you see, and that is usually reinforced through feelings, hunches, bodily clues etc.: your inner compass trying to speak to you.
Don’t fall in the trap of denial - that’s what we are all tempted to do. We turn a blind eye on what could prove too painful to admit, and feed the bottomless pit of illusions through mind-made scenarios to sweeten the truth that is being unveiled. “They did not mean to hurt me”.
You can’t live on people’s intentions: they are not real. It’s just like living on someone’s potential: it might never get actualized.
In the meantime, reality bluntly recalls itself to you through ever growing hardships and louder red flags. Know that this won’t stop; it will keep repeating itself until the pain you feel is so intense that you finally decide to see things for what they truly are and act on them.
You can’t blame the other persons for what’s happening neither: except for the first time, you are responsible for all the following times they did fool you and you let that happen.
It might feel better to you to be on the receiving end of the blows, but this does not make you less responsible than the person who is giving them.
It takes two to tango.