I don’t know how I balanced work and motherhood last week

Last week was pure chaos for me. It’s always busy in the local gaming industry in the week leading up to rAge. No, we aren’t building stands or preparing for the expo in the way that the distributors do, but as press we need to book our interviews, coordinate schedules, and get invited to all kinds of events. On top of the usual mayhem, my awesome editor was away, which meant that I was in charge. It was so busy, and I often felt like I was running around like a mad woman. In between it all, I was still looking after Harley.

My little princess seems to be going through the mother of all growth spurts. Or maybe she is teething. Or maybe it’s both — I’m honestly not too sure. All I know is that she was particularly clingy last week. Thankfully, she was also pretty sleepy, getting some longer naps than usual in the mornings. Mostly on me, but still, at least I was able to work while she slept. When she was awake, it was hard to do much of anything — she was so busy but also refused to just sit on the floor and play with her toys for more than a few minutes at a time.

I was so glad I had already made the commitment that I would take her with me to all the things. I scored a last minute interview with an eSports big shot, and instead of stressing about child care, I piled her in the car and off we went for the interview. I got an opportunity to be on 5FM talking about rAge, and she came along, too. No, it wasn’t easy, but it’s pretty much what works for us at the moment. It was a hard week, but whenever I felt like I was dropping the ball with work or family, I tried to remind myself of this video that made me get all teared up when I first saw it:

I know I’m doing the best I can, and that I actually do a lot. I know my colleagues are mostly pretty happy with me — I do most of the stuff that they suck at, and I do it well. I also know that I’m doing a pretty good job with Harley — she is a happy baby who sleeps well no matter where we are and is social and friendly and generally happy. I think I have a tendency to beat myself up for the things I wish I had time to do, for the things I imagine I would get done if life were otherwise. But, this is how my life functions at the moment, and I think I’m actually doing okay.

That said, I have started looking at nursery schools/creches for Harley. I think I found a lovely one and I plan to visit it later this week or next to see if it lives up to what I saw on the website. I’m just hoping that having her in creche for the mornings will help me find more balance — it will mean that she gets some fun play time while I can work, and then when I pick her up I can strive to be done with all the things that I need to do for the day and just spend time with her, also helping to free up my evenings with Dean so that I can enjoy the time with them instead of always feeling like there is more I should be doing.

I’m so glad that last week is over. I’m sorry I didn’t blog at all, but truly it was mayhem for me — I still have emails that need seeing to from last week. I will catch up, and get ahead, but finding the balance was certainly a challenge last week. I think as Harley gets more and more mobile (she is so close to crawling now), it’s going to get harder and harder to get any work done in the day. I know I will find a way, but I think it will be more fair for both of us once she starts school. At least, I hope so.