Hi, my name is…

Last Friday I went to a comedy show. One of the jokes we heard from the opening act was that the guy would always forget the names of the girls he was sleeping with. So first thing in the morning, he would take them to the Starbucks right around the corner just to hear them say out their name for their order.

While I certainly laughed about the joke, I also felt for him. Remembering names has always been a bit of a challenge for me. So much that I started to become very proactive about it about a year ago. I watched videos, read articles, studied techniques and applied the things I learned to all sorts of social situations.

Is it that important you might ask? Yes, absolutely! Dale Carnegie once suggested to remember that

“a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.”

Quite powerful stuff — not just to remember, but to actually repeat that person’s name throughout the conversation. But before you get into the habit of repeating it, you actually have to learn to remember it! Sounds easy, but it’s tough. And despite my many months of practicing, I still struggle occasionally. But here is the thing: remembering someone’s name has a huge upside. Most people out there are not good at this … so if you can find ways to remember names easily, you have a tremendous edge when it comes to i) building a connection with someone and ii) leave a lasting impression on someone.

The other day I was at a 3-day leadership retreat with some about 200 people. Even before I got there, I was intimidated by the idea of having to remember all those names. To make things even trickier, people were coming from all over the world: India, South Africa, Italy, México — you name it. Turned out I was wrong. On the second day, it was much harder for me to distinguish between Alex #1, Alex #2 and Alex #3 than it was to distinguish between Manuel, Sophie and Amir. While a single foreign name in itself was harder to remember, the diversity within the group made the “remembering at scale” much easier.

That weekend was the ultimate test for me to apply some of the techniques I had worked on over the past few months. While I’m far from being an expert, I would like to share the five things that have proven to be true for me when it comes to remembering names.

#1 You have to WANT to remember someone’s name in the first place

This is by far the most important point of them all. This is the absolute foundation of being successful at remembering people’s names. You need to want it. You need to be intentional about it. You need to focus on it. If you don’t make a conscious effort, all these following techniques will be useless. The reason why we so often forget people’s names is because we end up super distracted in that moment. We think about everything BUT the person’s name: “is my handshake firm enough? Am I looking into the persons’s eye? Don’t forget to smile! Am I going to say my name first or him? Will I say it clearly enough for him to remember? Shit, that was a long handshake … awwwwkwaaaard.” These are some of the thoughts that shoot through our minds when we introduce ourselves. The key is to detach yourself from these thoughts, to be super intentional to actually listen and remember the person’s name. Give the person your undivided attention by focusing on them, not on yourself.

#2 Repeat it out loud

This is quite an obvious one… the more times you hear someone’s name, the easier it will be for you to recall it later. One thing I do is to simply repeat the person’s name in the moment they introduce themselves to me: “Emma? Nice to meet you Emma.” That’s the best way to engrave that name in your memory. Here again, be intentional .. don’t just repeat it with your brain turned off (something I caught myself doing a few times). Later on you can even integrate the name into a question: “How long have you been living in this area, Emma?” or again at the end of the conversation “It was nice meeting you, Emma.”

#3 Make sure you get it – like for real!

I think we are naturally afraid of getting people’s names wrong. Especially when it’s a foreign name .. so even though we don’t fully understand it, we just act as if and then move on to the next person. That’s certainly one way to do it, but not the best idea if you care about doing it right. When I come across a more difficult name, I say it out lout until I get it right. Even if I embarrass myself a little in the process of doing so. “Laury? Oh, sorry, Laureen? Does it end with a “n”? Oh, it ends with double e? Lauree — I got it!” But the more I care about getting it right, the more I end up getting it right! Sometimes I would even ask how their name is spelled or where their name is from — information that can serve as a clue to better remember. Also, if the situation allows, asking for their business card can help you see the name visually and thus remember it better.

#4 Anchor the name by making associations

One of the things that works best for me is to make associations with the name. All kinds of associations. Ideally with things or people that I already know

• The Christoph that I’m meeting is significantly thinner than the Christopher that I already know. Thinner = lighter = dropping the “er” at the end. Or Ann is much shorter than the Anne that I know .. shorter = dropping the “e” at the end.
• Amrit is introducing himself to me an I notice his name is the male version of a girl named Amrita that I already know. Easy one!
• Jack … the only other Jack I know works in my team … I briefly imagine these two Jacks making out (yes, seriously, … a disturbing image burns itself into my brain … got a connection now. As simple as that).
• Pat? Pat looks like a Rat? There you go … scare yourself a bit by putting a rat’s head on top of his body. Visuals can have a strong and lasting effect on your memory. Don’t believe it? Try it!

Other types of associations you can do are with celebrities (“Mary has some similarity with Marilyn Monroe”), objects (“Matt wears a hat”), fruits (“Anees sounds similar to Ananas” — which is the biological name for pineapple), words (“Kyle has a lot style” or “Tim looks like he goes a lot to the gym”), or what have you.

Another key thing that has helped me a lot is my knowledge of different languages. Sometimes an Indian name might sound similar to a Persian word (the name “Bhakt” means “he lost” in Farsi). Or the first syllable of the name of a French girl might have a meaning in German (the first syllable of Chloe sounds similar to the German word “Klo,” meaning toilette). Language associations turned out quite useful for me.

#5 Develop a couple cheats to get yourself out of sticky situations

As always, there are ways how you can cheat. Asking for someone’s business card would be an option. Or you could bring in a friend into the conversation and let the friend introduce himself to your new acquaintance whose name you just forgot. OR … just as the comedian, take your one-night stand to Starbucks and let her say her name ;). Less of a cheat, but more a practice I tend to do, is to mentally repeat everyone’s name as we are standing as a group and having a conversation. After a long day of meeting people, I also do that at the end of the evening so I’m best prepared to meet those people anew the next day.

Do you have any tips or tricks that work for you? Share them with us through the integrated commenting feature here on Medium!