Dispatch from the Government of Belgravia on the Events of ‘The Princess Switch’
From the offices of King George, Queen Caroline, Prince Richard, Prince Edward, and Lady-Chef Stacy DeNovo
The royal family of Belgravia is delighted to announce the wedding (in a year, if she wants to) of Prince Edward, fifth of his name, heir to Belgravia and all Her counterparts, and Ms. Stacy DeNovo of Chicago, baker of cakes, and wearer of hats that say “Chicago”.
This announcement may come as a shock to all of you (it certainly came as a shock to the legislature who are, as we speak, rushing to amend a 1645 statute that bars people named “Stacy” from holding titles) and the Royal Family wishes to clarify for its people a few things that transpired at the Royal Christmas Baking Contest (heretofore referred to as Princess Stacey’s Royal Christmas Baking Contest And Doppleganger Awareness Ball) as there appears to be some confusion.
First of all, we would like to say that we are looking into the serious breach in security which allowed Ms. DeNovo to successfully pose as Margaret Delacourt, Duchess of Montenaro for a period of several days, infiltrating not only the depths of the palace but also posing at her at several official state events. While we do all find Ms. DeNovo to be a delightful addition to the Royal Family (So quirky! So fun!), that never should have happened and the palace guard recognizes there were multiple opportunities to discover Ms. DeNovo’s true identity, including but not limited to:
- The time she could not ride a horse despite being a world renowned rider.
- The time she could not play piano despite being a world renowned pianist.
- Wearing the same outfit to breakfast with the King and Queen as she had worn to dinner the night before. (No one said anything about this, but it was noticed.)
- The fact that she always talked about her home country of Montenaro like someone who had just learned there was a country called Montenaro and had to pretend to be from there.
- The fact that her British accent was a total mess, whereas Duchess Margaret’s British accent is famously only sort of a mess.
And, most damning of all:
- The fact that she cared about orphans (the Royal Family will also be investigating why this is so outside our normal behavior that it’s one of the only things that caused anyone to question the duchess’ identity.)
Secondly, the palace guard is looking into the identity of an individual being referred “Mysterious Christmas Man,” who either used some sort of Christmas magic to put the events of the past few days into motion, or he’s just a regular man who loves Christmas and just happened to be around. As of right now either scenario is equally likely and we have no leads. If you would like to report information about the Mysterious Christmas Man, you may leave an anonymous tip at 866-CHRISTMAS-PHONE.
Finally, we extend our heartfelt congratulations to Margaret Delacourt, Duchess of Montenaro, for locking down the absolute snack (a phrase we learned from Ms. DeNovo) that is Kevin. We were all shocked and dismayed to hear that the years of planning and billions of taxpayer dollars that went into your wedding to Prince Edward were wasted, but once we saw Kevin with his shirt off, we understood. Frankly, the only thing we don’t understand is now Stacy never noticed him herself.
As they say in your new home of Chicago, get it, girl.
The Royal Family of Belgravia will now get back to the very important business of running an entirely Christmas-themed country. May God bless the Royal Family, Ms. Stacy DeNovo, and all the many princesses that have yet to be switched in this year of our Lord two thousand and eighteen.