Called the suicide hotline during the midnight because I really need someone to talk to, hoping to find answers.
I was overwhelmed with the feeling of lostness.
I was afraid of myself.
I lost my sense of identity.
I need someone to tell me who I am.
How did it came about? I was reflecting as usual and something that I always thought was normal, wasn’t.
I have more than one personality.
Two or three different kinds of thinking.
Some days, the child-like me is out. Being carefree and doing whatever that makes people happy. Not caring about the consequences.
Some days, the logical me takes over and I’ll be apathetic. Cutting ties would be a piece of cake for me.
So far both side of me have made decisions and I am aware of it all but when one takes over, the other wouldn’t be able to comprehend and understand the other me’s decision. Which could even lead to a anxiety attack from guilt and self hate e.g. The childlike me decided to go along with others and tire myself out, later on the logical me will regret not being conscious of my actions.