Why Willpower Alone Isn’t the Key to Success

Michael Morelli
Sep 6, 2018 · 9 min read

Competing with Our Ego

I talk a lot about ego in my life, and it can be both a positive and a negative thing. On the one hand, the ego can make you feel really, really proud and that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It can drive us forward and help us be more successful. On the other side, the ego is also responsible for the feelings of jealousy which can trigger us, making us compare ourselves to the people around us and the people we see on social media. This mindset can make us lose focus and get in the way.

For me, ego is that feeling that you get in your stomach when you become triggered as a result of something that you see or hear. For example, one of my triggers throughout my life has been seeing someone who is more successful than I am, and I’ll explain why and how I got past it.

As I was growing up, my father talked a lot about money. For him, money was power and gave him a false sense of self. It gave him the validation he was craving. He used to carry around a large wad of money wherever he went and would almost show it off when he pulled it out. Growing up, this is something I picked up.

I learned at a very young age that money was everything, and without money you were nothing. Without money, you couldn’t afford anything, and you had no freedom. My father was so consumed with money and the success of making money that he couldn’t build lasting relationships because his ego only allowed him to be around people who had less than he did.

For a long time, I followed in these footsteps and success became the money in my bank account. This was how I kept score and competed with the people around me who didn’t even know I was competing with them. This was my ego needing to be better and more successful than others.

I see this in others too, and perhaps it isn’t money, but they are competing with those around them for various reasons. Their ego needs them to look better, be able to do more things, or have more material things.

Over time I learned that this ego comes from a past pain or an emotion from the past that triggers a false sense of self, and for me, it came from my father and what he taught me to be important. What happens then is we get conditioned by our egos, and it becomes part of our identity until we learn to separate ourselves from it and control it.

By being aware of our ego and the triggers in our life you can begin to dissolve the emotions and push past our ego and create happiness and real success in our life.

Much of this falls back to, what your environment looks like. Who are you hanging out with? What is their mindset? How are they growing? The people around you influence your mindset, your thoughts, and your behaviors.

Willpower is Finite, Not the Key to Success

We are often told that if we want to be successful, then we must have the willpower to overcome challenges, but I want to argue that you cannot rely on willpower. I recently read Willpower Doesn’t Work by Benjamin Hardy and he explains that willpower is finite and overtime can be worn down.

I’ll give you an example in the context of someone who is working on their health and is focused on eating healthy foods. Throughout the day you may say no to a bag of chips, and then no to the bagel at lunch, and then you say no to the bar you’ve been invited to after work. You say no to the candy in the checkout line, and then you say no to the Big Gulp you want when you stop for gas. Pretty soon, because willpower is finite, you get to the end of the day, and you get to a point where you just can’t say no because the temptation is too high. Perhaps you go home, and your spouse or kids are not on board yet, so you have all these chips and snacks in your cupboard. By the time you get home your willpower is tapped because you’ve been battling it all day and so you give in.

Suddenly, your home and your environment is not conducive to your success. What I’ve learned from the book is that willpower doesn’t work because our environment is not set up for us to be successful. To be successful means you will have to find a way to gain more control over your environment and your ability to accomplish the things you want to do.

Creating a Morning Journal — Be. Do. Have.

I want to share an exercise that I recently began because it has been a real benefit to my life. I mentioned that to be successful, you will have to shape your environment to support your success. You must gain control of your environment so that you can shape it, and one way I have learned to begin doing that is by journaling every morning.

I know a lot of people like to journal at night before you go to bed, but I have found that by journaling in the morning right when I wake up, I am able to better set the environment of my day. If you want to shape your environment, you must first start your day.

I spoke with Benjamin Hardy recently, author of Willpower Doesn’t Work and a prolific writer on Medium, and he was the one that introduced me to the idea of this method of journaling.

There is no right or wrong way to journal, but rather, it is merely just a journal session that we start our day with. By starting your day, I mean journaling before you do anything and before there is any input of any other information. This means you will journal before listening to your audiobook, before you turn on the TV, before you talk to anyone, and before you check your text messages, emails or social media.

Many of us have a routine before we go to bed where we take in information, whether it is reading a book, doing something spiritual, or listening to a podcast or audiobook. This is when we input information.

The idea behind this is to input information at night right before you go to bed, sleep on it, and then output information right when we get up. When we do take in information right before we sleep, we can actually program our subconscious to think during sleeping hours of the night, and then when we get up, we can be ready to output information.

So what should you write when you start journaling? This is a question I asked when I began, and a question others have asked me when I recommend someone to take up journaling in the morning.

Here is what you should write about: Be. Do. Have.

What I mean by this is to write about is: Who do you want to be today? What are you going to do today? What will you have as a result of these two things?

Journaling doesn’t take long, and I spend about 10 minutes on this every morning. As long as you are writing with intent, time and length are irrelevant. As an example, I want to share with you what I wrote this morning because I believe that this exercise is a really powerful tool that allows us to shape our environment and our success.

This morning when I woke up, I sat down to begin my journal, and I started with who I wanted to “Be” today. Today, I am going to be an influencer. I am going to help others realize the value of their health before it’s gone. I am going to be a light for everyone I encounter today, both in person and online. I am going to be a person who helps people restore relationships through an abundant mindset.

Next, I moved onto “Do.” What I write for this part is what I need and want to accomplish for the day. So, for this particular journal I wrote who I needed to meet with, and the projects I needed to work on. I wrote down the things I needed to do in both my business and the things I had planned for my family.

Finally, I wrote about “Have.” This is the section where I write what I want to have as a result of being who I want to be for the day and doing what I want to accomplish. Not only do I write what I want to have, but I write what is “choose” to have because we choose how we shape our environment. Today I wrote that I am choosing to have an abundant mindset. I am choosing to have meaningful conversations. I am choosing to have enough in terms of material possessions. I am choosing to have healthy food and drinks.

This is a fantastic exercise, and it has actually made me think about my day in a different context. So, who are you going to be today? And what are you going to be doing? What are you going to have as a result?

The idea is we get to choose and make it happen.

Letting Go of Labels

One thing I realized as I write my journals, and I talk to other people about who they are and who they want to be today is that we get stuck on labels.

When we identify with certain aspects of our life, we tend to make a false sense of self out of that state. When I asked someone who they are they will often respond with their occupations or a particular role that they play throughout their day. For example, when I will get the response of “I am a teacher,” “I am a mom,” or “I am an entrepreneur.” While these may be defining roles in our lives, we have to remember that we are first and foremost human being and it is our personality, morals, and qualities that make us who we are, not our daily roles. The roles that we fulfill daily are secondary.

We have to start thinking through the labels that we give ourselves and begin to separate who we actually are as individuals. We need to separate the identity that we have built through our daily roles and our ego. We are all unique and special, with innate abilities who perhaps may not have realized our full potential yet due to some past conditioning and our limiting beliefs, or things that have happened in our past that we allow to hold us back and make it hard for us to see just how special we are in this moment.

Taking Control of Your Life

As you write your journal, remember, it is who I am going to be today, what I am going to do today, and what I am going to have as a result.

This exercise of journaling in the morning has been really impactful in my life, and I think it will be on yours as well. I want to invite you to give this a try so you too can see what it can do for you and your ability to shape your environment and control your ego.

I have never been happier or more content. Journaling has allowed me to become more present and take control of what I do and who I am moment to moment, day to day.

I hope that by sharing this and bringing it into your life, it creates a path of awareness for you and makes you think a little bit deeper. I hope it allows you to take some control over your environment and the shape of your life.

We are programmed every day by the information we take in, through the things we see, hear and read, but we don’t have to let this control us. Start by surrounding yourself with people who are growing, and distance yourself from the people who are holding you back. Do what you can to control your environment and remove negativity from your life. Step outside of your comfort zone into what is uncomfortable. When we stay in one place because it is comfortable, we lose the chance to grow and tomorrow will just be the same as yesterday.

It all starts with you. Allow yourself to be uncomfortable. Learn to love that feeling. Feel the pain and go deep, because once you push past it, you will become more aware and more present. This will lead to more meaningful relationships in your life and more abundance.

Michael Morelli

Written by

I create brands that help people look and feel their best faster. I hack and simplify health, and my goal is to reverse our declining health trends.

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