If you have to change your story because society expects you to say what they want you to say, something is wrong. Don’t live for someone else. Bet on yourself and live for yourself. The real fulfilment in life is the pursuit of meaningful work, even if you can’t make a living doing what brings out the best in you, go for it anyway. It matters that you try.
Over the next few months, I began to shed my deeply-embedded food “morality,” or sense of foods being bad/good, right/wrong. And as these transformations took place, I began to — as warned by my therapist — put on weight. That part was not fun, but it was sort of necessary. It was the bellhop of my psyche bounding in and shouting, “HERE’S THE REST OF YOUR BAGGAGE, MADAME!” And from there I unpacked all kinds of weirdness: body dysmorphia, my inherent judgement of people fatter than me (you read that right), my inability to stand up for myself, my tendency to jump through hoops for manipulative/mercurial people. In The Emily Program, they say, “It’s about food, but it’s not really about food.” HOO BOY.