Stampede In
The other day, I presented some of my design work while wearing red lipstick, and afterwards someone came up to me and said I could be a spokesperson for power makeup. I just happen to like red lipstick, but it made an impact, and made me seem more, well, powerful I guess. Which got me to thinking about the usual ways we teach women (and men) to “get taken seriously”. Which then got me thinking about why Lean In just doesn’t cut it.
I don’t really remember a lot of the main points from the book, because I read it a year ago, but I remember being wildly disappointed and even annoyed by the whole concept. I was never trying to lean, I was trying to storm in. Here I am, deal with it.
Anyway here’s my alternative guide to being a boss bitch.
1. Red *is* your color
I know this woman at Google who is smart and talented and overall an awesome lady. And I guess at Google, you can choose the background color for your employee ID photo. One of those colors is red. She likes red, she likes how it looks on other people’s photos, but people warned her maybe it would be too much. Too strong, too bold.
I get that. I mean, red is the color of blood, and Satan, and Sriracha. Heavy shit, yo. So maybe wearing red in meetings will subconsciously associate you with the blood of your enemies. And I ask: is that so wrong? (I mean you know.) Are you trying to stay in the back, blending in with the beige walls, or do you want to be remembered? Ask yourself this next time you buy a pale blue button down shirt or anything taupe.
Anyway, this Google-woman did end up choosing red. It’s fierce, and memorable, and matches how passionate and strong she is. To all the naysayers who told her not to do it, I say maybe you should hustle as hard as you hate.
2. Just Say No
One time my male boss asked me to pick up his mail for him from the front desk. I looked him in the eye, smiled, and said, “No”. Flabbergasted, he went on to get his own mail, the horror.
When I told my dad about this, he said I had given the wrong answer. Instead, I should have said, “No, but could you get mine?” I suppose you should take his wisdom with a grain of salt, seeing as how he’s made people cry at work before, but the takeaway here is to say no and to NOT BACK DOWN. I would suggest getting into staring contests with cats to practice your relentless gaze. Cats literally never back down because looking away is a sign of weakness. Get on their level.
And “no” doesn’t mean:
- “Um, well...”
- “Sure but…”
- “Okay maybe…”
Don’t pussy-foot around it: the next time someone asks you to do something demeaning or dismissive, look them straight in the eye, tell them, “I’m sorry dingbat, I’m afraid I can’t do that”, and move on with your glorious life.
3. It’s like Kanye said
In one of 2 Chainz’s collaborations with Kanye, the latter raps:
Last birthday she got you a new sweater
Put it on, give her a kiss, and tell her do better
Live by that! Negotiating a salary: tell them do better. Dealing with your company’s weak-ass maternity leave: tell them do better. Et cetera, et cetera. Don’t accept a crap deal and think that’s what you deserve. Shit, you’re doing the company a favor ‘cause you’re boosting their diversity ratings or whatever.
I see this happen with men, too, or anyone who’s junior. They have so little confidence to ask for what they truly deserve and it’s sad! Next time you feel unsure about your own worth, think of Kanye. If he can find value in what he does, so can you.
4. Weightlift
THAT’S RIGHT, LADIES (and shy guys). You gotta lift some weights. Ooh I’m scared to go into the weightroom, Ooh won’t it make me big and gross, Ooh… yeah, I felt that way once, too. I’ve written about this elsewhere (ahem, here, on Medium), and I know how scary weightlifting can be. But it’s time to buck up, because:
- weightlifting gives you better posture
- weightlifting makes you strong as shit
- no one expects you to do it so blow those stereotypes out of the water
Why is posture important? Because you work a desk job all day and you’re destroying your back that way!! But also, as we all know from that one TED talk, power-postures make you appear more confident and capable, and make you feel that way, too. I once heard a panel of three designers talk about design stuff it doesn’t matter whatever, and anyway one of them had terrible posture. All bent over, trying to hide almost, very fidgety. Within ten seconds I knew that of the three of them, that was the one I wouldn’t want to work with. Superficial? Yeah, of course. But so’s everyone else so don’t hate the player hate the game. Stand up straight.
As for strength, while you will never have to squat your boss (weird), it’s pretty metal to think you could. It’s certainly a lot more metal than thinking yeah well I can move pretty fast on the elliptical so get at me.
5. Be kind to others
SURPRISE bet you didn’t see this coming! This guide isn’t about How To Be a Total Douche. Anyone can do that, and it won’t actually help you get anywhere in life. If you want people to appreciate your strength and your tenacity, you need to appreciate theirs, too. Work with people. Collaborate. If they’re having a bad day, listen to them and buy them some chocolate. Be pals. Give people space to be a boss bitch, too.
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It’s entirely possible I actually gave a lot of the same advice Sheryl Sandberg did, but hey at least I’m not assuming you work at Google and are BFFs with Zuckerberg sooooo thanks for reading! ☺❤☺
