Be For One Another, Not Against

One thing that my husband and I both practice, is being FOR each other, not against one another. I am my hubbies biggest fan. There is no one on the face of the planet that thinks more highly of him than I do. I adore him…and I act like it. I see so many married people who have vowed to love their partner for life, yet they act like they hate them. Hello! How is that supposed to work?

We work together, alongside several other married couples. We are both amazed at how horribly these other couples treat each other and talk about each other. Within the first couple of days of me starting at the factory with my husband, a young girl made a comment about men. I do not remember what it was, but she had been complaining about her spouse and her comment was basically meant to open the door for me to complain about my husband. I looked at her and told her that I was my husband’s biggest fan and there was no one in that factory more for him than myself. I also told her that if he was doing something to upset me that I would talk to him about it and not anyone else.

This seems to be an unpopular idea nowadays. People are constantly whining and complaining to everyone about their spouses. It is awful to see and hear the way people talk about their significant others. Facebook is littered with posts from displeased men and women complaining about their wives and husbands. There are memes for every irritation on the face of the planet that a married person might have to deal with. And the worst thing is that so many people share these things on Facebook as a way to communicate to their spouse instead of just talking to them. That is ridiculous. Marriage is for adults, not junior high girls!

Hubby and I agreed when we got married that we would not be THAT couple. You know, the couple that talks to everyone and anyone about each other yet never speak to each other about their issues. They spew hateful and hurtful words about each other behind the other’s back. But they do not talk to each other about their problems. That is not constructive and creates a feelings of distrust and betrayal in a marriage. We decided that our marriage would have only three people involved, God and ourselves. If we ever get to the point that we need outside help we will agree on a person that we will both talk to. This person will need to be unbiased. Probably a marriage counselor of some type.

This rule that we have made for ourselves has strengthened our marriage. I know that he has my back. He knows that I have his back. It makes us stronger and closes the door on Satan, not giving him a foothold to inch his way into our marriage.It has saved me many times from making a mountain out of a mole hill. Women do that. At least most women, including myself. Something happens and we sit and think about it. And we stew on it. Our husband said something or did something that upset or offended us. So we continue to think on it. It festers and then dredges up other things from the past. But when I stop and remind myself that my husband is for me and not against me, I can usually figure out what really happened. He was tired or not in the best mood. We miscommunicated. He did not hear me or I misheard him. He did not know the situation would upset me. Any number of things could have been the real situation. But the point of it all is that he is not out to get me. He is not out to spite me in some way.

My husband and I don’t fight. At least not like many couples. When I say we do not fight, I don’t mean our marriage is all puppies and sunshine. What I mean is that we do not fight like enemies. We have disagreements. We argue at times. But…we do not purposely wound one another. We may raise our voices a little when we are conveying strong emotions. We may get really upset. We have even gotten angry at times. But here are some of the things we do not do. We do not turn to others and gossip about each other. We do not call each other names. We do not yell at each other. We do not insult each other. We do not try to intimidate each other. We don’t punish each other…

Punishment. This is a verb. According to dictionary.com punish means to subject to pain, loss, confinement, death, etc., as a penalty for some offense, transgression, or fault. Is this a way to convey love to one another? No. It is not. If you punish your spouse by withholding intimacy or affection, giving them the silent treatment, or by any other action or in-action that is meant to cause them harm…you are punishing them. Stop. You are not their parent. Husbands and wives have no business punishing one another. This is a dangerous path to go down and can damage a marriage beyond repair.

Practice being for your spouse. It can save your marriage.

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Originally published at morganparkwrites.wordpress.com on January 4, 2016.