KOLOB too crowded? What about Limdi, Shible, or Zip?
If you know a little about Mormons, or if you’ve seen The Book of Mormon Musical than you’ve heard about Kolob. It’s the planet or star (kind of the same thing in Mormon cosmology) where God lives. As cool as that is, there’s more. Most Mormons don’t even know about this, but Brother Joe revealed the names of 14 OTHER god planets.
Facsimile 2 in the Book of Abraham says there are 15 “governing planets or stars” but it doesn’t tell us all the planet names. The facsimile below does give us 4 of the names:
- Kolob (God’s planet),
- Oliblish (planet closest to Kolob),
- Enish-go-on-dosh (our Sun), and
- Kae-e-vanrash (spelled later as Kaii ven rash also called “The Grand Key”).
Since we’re talking about Facsimile 2, we have to take a quick detour and talk about the penis. Egyptologists Critics like to say it’s the god Min’s erect penis, but according to Joseph Smith, it’s none other than our Heavenly Father’s erect penis!
Besides the penis, there’s lots of other really cool things about Facsimile 2 but unfortunately we must not be ready for it yet. Many parts of it are simply explained as “Ought not to be revealed at the present time”, and “will be given in the own due time of the Lord.” Well, shit. We will just have to wait and see I suppose.
So, how do we get the other planet names? The notes associated with the Egyptian papyri that kicked off the Book of Abraham, of course! This is thanks to the Joseph Smith Papers project. Here’s the screenshot of the “fixed” or “governing” planets:
- Kolob
- Oliblish
- Enish-go-on-dosh
- Kaii ven rash
- Limdi
- Zip
- Vusel
- Venisti
- Waine
- Wagoh=ox=oan
- Oansli
- Shible
- Shineflis
- Flis
- Os
With our awesome astrological expertise, we have put together a visual of these God-planets. The arrangement isn’t to scale -OBVIOUSLY, this is the whole damn cosmos (or “Raukeeyang”) for Gazelem sakes! To fit it into a single image, we scrunched the hell out of it, but we are pretty sure that the planets actually truly look like this (we’ve seen them with our “spiritual eyes”).
You’ll notice that the first 3 planets are grouped together, and that the remaining 12 are circled around them. This is totally, like, the organization of Priesthood power in the church! Just as the cosmos is “governed” by these planets, the church is governed by the First Presidency and the Quorum of the 12 Apostles. Holy shit, right?!
Next time you hear someone sing “If You Could Hie to Kolob”, maybe spice it up a little and sing your own version: “If You Could Hie to Waine” or “If You Could Hie to Zip”. You may get some strange looks from people, but it could also be an opportunity for you to share your further light and knowledge with them.
Also, here’s a sample of what a Mormon Astrological Chart might look like:
Note: attributes may be purposefully vague and confusing, and may require additional insights through using your own imagination and/or being hopped up on the Holy Spirit! Also, by being vague and subjective, these attributes can conveniently change with your life circumstances!
Originally published at https://mormonzodiac.com on August 21, 2018.
