So, your spaceship was infiltrated by a psychotic alien. That happens to nearly everyone that exits the Earth’s atmosphere to a) go on a routine mission b) exploit the resources of another planet c) spread Christianity. It’s no big deal, assuming you’re empirically attractive and not Russian. First, you want…

The Email Blast — Dear American, The long wait is finally over. After nearly 250 years, we’re proud to announce the release of America v2.0. …

An Early Morning Observation —

A Comic Series

A conversational faux pas compendium — “My therapist says it’s a whole new condition.” “I know this great little Italian-Thai-Mexican hybrid restaurant.” “I imagined you’d be way skinnier.” “Yeah, but I feel like I graduated from high school.” “The Hangover 3 was the funniest movie of all time.”

Success! SUCCESS!!! SUCCESS!!!!!!!!!!!! Do you want some? Of course you do. You’re not a Bolshevik. You love success. You want it bad. So bad. Success is all around us. It’s in the birds, the trees, the air and the water. You know how I know? Because God made those things…

Thanks for your interest in becoming San Francisco’s sister city. We ask that you respond to a few preliminary questions below so that we may judge you unmercifully and quickly dismiss your application. Good luck!

I need to close you. I have fifty other tabs open and it’s distracting me. Wrong. You need to open me, then read me. That PowerPoint project can wait. Do something worthwhile for once, but not too worthwhile. You deserve it, sort of. No, I need to finish this report…

A Secretly Recorded Conversation At A Big Business Meeting — BUSINESS BOSS: Gentleman, as you know, Q2 sales floundered. We need some fresh ideas to save this company. The two employees nod in agreement. BUSINESS BOSS: Let’s not just think outside of the box on this one. Let’s rebuild the box. EMPLOYEE #1: Hmm…. BUSINESS BOSS: What is it? EMPLOYEE…