Rituals: Have They Become Less Important in Modern Culture?

Jaimi Morrigan
Sep 6, 2018 · 7 min read
photo by Joanna Kosinsk on Unsplash

“The modern habit of doing ceremonial things unceremoniously is no proof of humility; rather it proves the offender’s inability to forget himself in the rite, and his readiness to spoil for every one else the proper pleasure of ritual.”
C.S. Lewis

Last week so many people paid their respects to two American icons. One brought joy to us through music and the other showed us what it meant to be of service to our country and hold true to our values, not letting them shift with a party line or a political conviction and agenda.

As we do in our culture, as do many others, we hold reverence for the ceremony of letting go of loved ones through the ritual of a funeral. It is sometimes that for lack of a better description is as ancient as time, and still holds respect in all cultures. We hold moments of silence for the dead or for those that have been lost through tragedy or from a long battle with an illness. And in the case of Arthea Franklin and John McCain, we watched as person after person reflected on their lives as is part of the ritual of laying one to rest.

But as I watched some of the posts on Facebook and NBC News I had a thought. What has happened to many of the other rituals, you know the less visible, ones in our culture, like celebrations of birthdays down to saying a blessing over food before we consume it?

First, let me clarify what I mean by ritual. When I speak of ritual I am referring to anything done in our lives as a custom or tradition that is either a major event or something that is done daily, monthly or yearly and hold a special importance in our lives.

photo by Thanh Tran

It seems that many of our customs or rituals have been high jacked by corporate America, deemed unnecessary or have become so elaborate they have lost their true meaning.

One example is the Birthday celebrations…

It seems when we are children our birthdays are one of the most important days of our lives. We wake on that special day and are a day closer to adulthood. Which of course means we are a day closer to becoming independent from our parents and can make decisions on our own. Not realizing that the childhood years are probably the only years of our lives when we are being fed, clothed and cared for, for free!

And if we are fortunate we get cake and ice cream, and a party in our honor and lots of gifts!

But as we get older, for many the party either stops or we choose we rather not celebrate the beginning of a new year on this earth. We hide it from others and hope no one finds out it’s our birthday. We think it’s not a big deal and that there will be others.. one may think or its just not worth taking the time to celebrate something that has become so mundane.

There was a time when I would wake up on my birthday in joy, even in adulthood. Until it seemed like I was the only one finding joy in it. My sister didn’t celebrate hers, and because my birthday is so close to my mother’s my family started to combine them, until I stopped caring if I celebrated it or not.

But as I get older I have made the conscious choice to celebrate it whether someone throws me a party or not. It has become my own personal New Year’s. As a ritual, for a few days, I reflect on my past years and think about what I might do better.

Birthdays really are as important as a major holiday and should be a celebration of all that you have accomplished in the year. It can also be a time you take stock of what you would like to accomplish in the coming year. Like, maybe going back to college to get that degree you always wanted. Or start that family, even though Mister or Miss Right has not come along yet.

Birthdays should never be taken for granted because you will never be that age again or be at that time in your life again.

photo by Lanty on Unsplash

That Big Fat Expensive Wedding
Another ritual that has become corrupted is the wedding ceremony. As I mentioned in a previous post, marriage in American is on the decline. But the cost of a wedding ceremony is on the rise according to one website, “The average wedding cost in the United States for 2017 was $25,764. Couples, on average, spend between $19,323 and $32,205 but, 50% of couples spend less than $15,000.”

WTW! Isn’t that a little ridiculous!?

I am not saying one should not have the wedding of their dreams, but in all the planning, something gets lost… The whole reason for the marriage in the first place. The union of two people who want to spend the rest of their lives together. Not to mention the union of two families, combining their beliefs, even cultures, along with sharing holiday celebrations, children etc…

The cost of the ritual of marriage has been lost by to excess, and many start off their matrimonial bliss in debt.

Major Pain of the Holidays
The same could be said of most major holidays in America, being highjacked my corporate America. Its no secret one of my favorite holidays is Halloween! As children, each year my sister and I would plan our costumes and on Halloween night we would roam the neighborhood with our friends, fill up our bags with more candy then we could ever eat, walking past spooky houses, swearing we’d seen a ghost or two on our travels.

Who doesn’t remember the smell of Candy Corn, Bitohoney, and my favorite Snickers wafting through the night air?

And of course the dreaded apple or box of Sunmaid Raisins

Now even before 4th of July is over Halloween decor hits the shelves of the craft stores, along with the local CVS’s and Walgreens.

photo by Maddy Baker

Before, Halloween was a right of passage to falling leaves, hot cocoa, and warm winter comfort foods; when the air turns crisp and the first taste of apples coming in pie form!

And not even before Halloween is over the segway into the holiday season begins and we are bombarded with Christmas way too soon.

Maybe it is the loss of a simpler time that has gotten stuck in my craw and it is not the loss of rituals at all.

How I would love to rewind the clock back to family dinners on Sunday and whispered blessings over the food we ate, along with prayers for the ones that are no longer with us at the table.

Or all the ‘remember when’ times…

American has moved away from Sunday dinners to making the Super Bowl an unofficial official holiday. Admittedly, one that I have instituted in my own household.

But although we have moved away from some of these traditions, they are not wholly lost. We look at our children and see them paying for the loss of them, through their addiction to devices, sometimes by our own example.

We want our children to play hopscotch until dark or hide-in-go-seek while the relatives sit on the porch, on a hot day, telling stories about the past. Which reminds me of my most favorite summer ritual of them all… Snapping string beans in the summer at my grandma’s table, getting them ready for canning.

From ritual, we commune with ourselves as ‘human beings,’ not ‘human doers.’

Not all rituals require elaborate planning or settings. Some are quiet gatherings to commune with the spirit of family and build future celebrated memories of the past. Like game night or family vacations to the beach, and road trips.

Each day as we digest the morning news. Whenever you or however you get your morning news, maybe take a moment to think about what rituals are important to you. And if you realize you really have none, think about what rituals you would like to add to your life. It can be as simple as Sunday dinner with friends and family. Or as complex as coordinating and hosting your family’s first family reunion.

Even something as personal as quiet time with a significant other would be a great ritual to start with…

Jaimi Morrigan

Written by

Freelancer, blogger and rhapsodic writer, with a weakness for corny jokes and home grown garden vegetables, finding inspiration in the old ways.

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