Depression hurts.
It’s wounds are invisible to the outside observer but it’s damage cuts deep.
I’ve had severe depression for most of my life.
It started when I was in grade 7.
My mom left when I was young.
My dad was rarely around.
Growing up, I was constantly bullied by the other kids. I was smaller, less socially aware and physically weaker than they were. People are violent.
I was beat up physically, emotionally abused, psychologically abused, etc. People are hurtful.
I was bullied by my teachers, who seemed to have a sadistic bent on imposing their superiority on the weakest the student. People are sadistic.
Fast forward,
I am now 20 years old, I’m staying at the Covenant house youth shelter in Toronto, and I’m trying to build a life for myself. People are encouraging.
I went back to school and struggled to get my university degree, again having to fight my way through being physically bullied even by university students. People are selfish.
When I graduated 12 years later from a four year degree, my university refused to give me my degree, nor did they invite me to the graduation ceremony or allow me to attend. People are mean-spirited.
Then when tried to look for a job, I encountered discrimination for the first time. People are self-centered.
I then began encountering discrimination at the hospital, at school when I tried to go back to school and continue my education and when I tried to apply for housing.
This worsened my depression.
Fast forward to 2019,
I am now 32 years old, homeless, jobless, and struggling with major depression.
I’ve pleaded with my psychiatrist to support me in my efforts to apply for Dignitas, a Swiss organization that helps people end their lives legally, in a safe, peaceful environment. To no avail. My psychiatrist doesn’t want to help me or support me in any way to kill myself. People are unsupportive.
So here I am, writing on medium. Telling the world about my world. People might care.
I don’t think my depression will ever get better. People are pessimistic.
Society has constantly discriminated against me and prevents me from accessing urgently needed medical care, urgently needed housing and or any kind of employment. People are insensitive.
People don’t want to be my friend or my romantic partner. People are inconsiderate.
I constantly hope that I die in my sleep, swiftly, painlessly and peacefully.
People want me to lose.
