Mathematical Meditation
I learned to love math from my mom, the math mathemagician. I remember a cherry-colored abacus near my mother’s bedside. I watched her slide bead after bead, performing mental magic. She continued to share tricks and strategies with me that always got the same answers as my math teachers, and yet, I only got partial credit when I used my newest math magic skills at school.
There was an underlying message from my schooling that “other” ways of doing things was wrong. Lucky me, I had the opportunity to watch my mother, diligently and rather delightedly, work with new strategies I brought from school. She would double-check the answers, shaking her head with bemusement at how many extra steps there seemed to be. Yet, she continued to use her own way while curiously learning new methods.
Mom was a tax preparer and the budget manager for USPS in Anchorage. Her work was numbers. Each new tax season, I’d bring my math homework downstairs and she’d move some of her books to the floor. We’d listen to classical music and hum along while we scratched numbers and their relationships along margins.
Learning how to learn alongside my mother helped me develop a patience and curiosity for numbers and their relationships. I began preparing taxes so I:
- knew how to be in compliance with the law, and
- knew how to get all allowable deductions and make a solid case if ever there were a question.
My mom taught me that “doing it right lets you sleep at night”. It’s been empowering to reframe any potential audit as an opportunity to learn how to best categorize my business deductions. I get genuinely excited about getting organizing taxes. It helped me bring optimism to my 3 years in a tax office as a tax professional.
As a self-employed worker, I sought information about financial literacy through Innovative Changes, a non-profit based in Portland, OR. They offer free personal finance classes as well as financial coaching. The most memorable activity presented budgeting with a fun activity where you were given a bag of Skittles that represented your income. You then allocated your “earnings” (tasty Skittles) on different categories that certain lifestyle choices. Read about the beginning of my professional financial journey here.
I’m even learning how to despise budgeting less. With the support of a financial coach and a supportive partner in crunching numbers, the regularity increases while the anxiety is managed. While the actual prep work isn’t always fun, there are ways to make the necessary enjoyable. A good playlist or a special delicacy can lessen the stress that often accompanies the often harrowing but necessary tasks at hand.
Swami Rama from Yoga International describes “meditation” as “a precise technique for resting the mind and attaining a state of consciousness that is totally different from the normal waking state.”
When it comes to finances, my ‘normal waking state’ is generally one of urgency, despair, disappointment and a smidgeon of shame. I’m not sure whether I’ll ever pay off student loans, frustrated that the cost and value of my schooling often doesn’t match to the compensation I’m offered which often doesn’t match the value I offer. I could blame funding cuts and spotty contract work that boasts flexibility, ignoring the need for stability.
However, over time and with great intentionality, I sift through monthly statements, sit patiently on hold to discuss hidden fees, cross-reference account statements and keep books for my independent consulting firm as a soothing practice.
- It’s temporary. Each fiscal year is another opportunity to put my learning into practice.
- It’s not personal. I’m working within systems — and consciously improving my personal systems with necessary support.
- Knowing how to budget and seeing it as a practice ensures that it doesn’t derail all the effort I’m putting into other areas of my life.
Mathematical magic has always been a safe place for me — getting the numbers to match up helps me and my family sleep better at night. While I can’t magically produce more Skittles, I feel like I am in more control and have techniques for resting the mind on the task at hand.
Me mum taught me how to love to learn. She encouraged me to learn new languages, whether of music or numbers. Being empowered to take control of my learning was infinitely motivational for me. Things may not always come naturally, but if I can practice non-judgment as I continue learn, I’m guaranteed to get something right and stretch beyond what I currently know.
Happy belated Mother’s Day!
Thanks Momma.
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I’m looking forward to learning more mindfulness practices in education— more on this after June’s Mindfulness in Education Conference.
