2017 Reflections from a Monastery
2017 was year of much intensity and change: I led a project to transform an entire industry, coached people to create meaningful lives most weeknights, and broke up with someone I dearly love.
Amidst all that activity, especially the pain of heartbreak, this spoke to me:
“Onto a Vast Plain”
by Rainer Maria Rilke[…] Summer was like your house: you know
where each thing stood.
Now you must go out into your heart
as onto a vast plain. Now
the immense loneliness begins.The days go numb, the wind
sucks the world from your senses like withered leaves.Through the empty branches the sky remains.
It is what you have.
Be earth now, and evensong.
Be the ground lying under that sky.
Be modest now, like a thing
ripened until it is real,
so that he who began it all
can feel you when he reaches for you.
As the summer of 2017 faded into fall and winter in calendar time and within me, I knew I had to find time to truly be with myself; to go out into my heart as onto a vast plain. In that spirit, I decided to spent my year-end at a mindfulness retreat in the Thai Plum Village Practice Centre, a buddhist monastery in the tradition of Thich Nhat Hanh, a Zen Master and peace activist.
A day in my life as a retreatant involved a 4:30am rise, and a generous dose of mindfulness, which Jon Kabat-Zinn defines as :
“[…] paying attention on purpose, in the present moment, non-judgmentally in the service of self-understanding and wisdom.”
Mindfulness was integrated to all aspects of the retreat: sitting, walking, eating, and even seemingly banal activities like turning on the tap:
“Stepping into Freedom” by Thich Nhat Hanh
(Also found pasted on some bathroom mirrors in Thai Plum Village)Turning on the Water:
Water comes from high mountain sources. Water runs deep in the Earth. Miraculously, water comes to us and sustains all life. My gratitude is filled to the brim.
Through being present to each and every action in the day, in many ways I was coming home to myself. This was a stark contrast to my life back in Singapore, where so often my mind wanders from thing to thing to thing; unfocused and often not fully present, if at all, to whatever I’m doing.
Between mindful activities and talks, a particular highlight was the daily practice of sharing circles: a space of deep listening and loving speech where a small group of people supported each other in their struggles, suffering, and questions. The act of being deeply listened to was in of itself healing, captured beautifully by Rachel Naomi Remen:
“Our listening creates a sanctuary for the homeless parts within another person.”
When a person shared, the circle would hold space for the sharer tenderly without judgment or trying to fix the person. Often, the simple of act being held was incredibly transformative- I cried buckets and experienced much inner transformation. (For more on holding space, here’s a beautiful article)
Here’s a video of my time at the retreat:
While its hard to capture much of my reflections and inner transformation at, and from the mindfulness retreat in mere words, here they are nonetheless:
“The wound is the place where the light enters you”
Much of the inner work that unfolded during the retreat was fully, genuinely being with my brokenheartedness.
The retreat started with a beautiful chant invoking the name of Avalokiteshvara, the Buddhist bodhisattva (think ‘saint’ / guide) of compassion. Within 2–3 seconds of the cello+violin playing, without even the chant starting, tears started streaming down my cheek. This continued for the duration of the chant, and frequently during the retreat. I later learnt that the chant was an invitation to open one’s heart. In many ways, the retreat was a journey of fully being with my raw, beating heart, and being with all that arose from it… pain, loss, joy, happiness.
In doing so, I experienced not just inner healing, but received a gift. The gift I received from brokenheartedness was compassion. It was almost like my compassion was supercharged; I now have a ‘spider-sense’ awareness of the pain of others, and a strong desire to help- all this without even necessarily knowing a person. As words fail me here, the excerpt of Mary Oliver’s poem below may convey the message better:
“Lead”
by Mary Oliver[…] I tell you this
to break your heart,
by which I mean only
that it break open and never close again
to the rest of the world.
This gift is very precious, and I hope use it to better understand the suffering of others, and to do my utmost to help transform their suffering into peace and happiness.
Reflecting on this through the lens of my training as a Co-Active Coach, being with my brokenheartedness was a deep journey of “process”. Through fully being with heartbreak, I was able to discover the gift within it, and from that new place create a more meaningful way of being in the world. As Rumi beautifully wrote in “The Guesthouse”:
Welcome and entertain them all
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.[…] Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
The pain of heartbreak gifted me the deep compassion I know hold in my heart. I wrote this right before the final sharing circle, and in many ways it represents my journey with heartbreak:
“I am becoming more myself”
by Moses MohanEvery day, I encounter myself.
Beginning anew…
Each day;
Each sunrise;
Each sunset.Every moment,
An adventure, with myself;
Going within, to go out……to encounter the world, and myself
And fall in love, and in heart break…
…over, and over again.
The beloved community is real, and so needed
The incredible beauty and transformation I experienced would have not been possible without the beloved community and the sharing circles at the retreat holding space for me.
To me, a beloved community is a space where people:
- Be-long: Feeling like you belong no matter who you are, what the colour of your skin is, what your beliefs are, what your sexual orientation is
- Are loved: Feeling like you are genuinely held and loved despite all your shortcomings and imperfections
I felt like I was home, and I was held. This was a sentiment that was shared by many others, including retreatants who had their spiritual roots in the Christian and Muslim traditions.
To me, this was truly a beloved community that embraced radical inclusiveness. I was deeply moved when I chanced upon this at a tree:
As a protestant-raised, baptised Catholic, I deeply felt I was at home and didn’t have to distinguish between the beauty of the Christian tradition I still love, and the deep peace I continue to find in mindfulness practice. Both/and is more beautiful and peaceful than either/or.
In our increasingly polarising and divided times, a large part of our work lies in creating beloved communities that transcend race, religion, nationality, sexual orientation, and all types of distinctions. In such communities, we can water the seeds of love and peace, and collectively create a better world.
The beloved community is the shared vision of Martin Luther King, Thich Nhat Hanh (more on that here), and numerous human beings. This continues to be the dream of our world that I hold dear, and work towards.
“My Life is My Message“
During the retreat, we were able to write down any questions we had and request to have a personal consultation with a monastic to seek their advice. So I did.
One of the first things Brother Tinh Khoi, the monk I spoke with did was ask:
“What is your deepest aspiration?”
While my answer is continues to evolve, here’s my current answer:
“I am the reflective container that helps people to awaken to their deepest selves and aspirations.”
My question was how might I best do that?
With a gentle smile, Brother Tinh Khoi looked into my eyes and said:
“Start with yourself.”
In many ways, this connected with what I had previously learnt and continue to practise from the u.lab MOOCs on Theory U:
“The success of an intervention depends on the interior condition of the intervener” — Bill O’Brien, CEO of Hanover Insurance
In order to help others awaken to their deepest selves and aspirations, I have to first start with myself, and let my life be my message.
What’s next for me in 2018?
We had a beautiful peace walk during New Year’s eve, where we mindfully walked for world peace. The walk ended with each retreatant putting their 2018 intentions into a fire. Here’s mine (#hashtags included for kicks):
- #woken: To awaken more deeply to myself and practise awakened living
- #trybe: To build tribes and beloved communities
- #NMNL (No mud, no lotus): To put my gifts, my ‘lotus’, out into the ‘mud’ of the world in service of all beings
2018 has, and continues to be a year of deep journeying both inwards and outwards. I don’t know where the path leads, only that I have to embrace, and live the journey with all of my being as Rilke advised a young poet:
“[…] be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer”
If what I’ve shared resonates, or if you would just like to speak more deeply, please do connect. Let’s build a more beloved humanity, one conversation at a time.
You can drop me an email at mosesmohan9@gmail.com or connect at https://www.linkedin.com/in/mosesmohan/
